Aiyo...Aiyo...Aiyo...

This is worship.

2010-11-01T08:13:00.004+08:00

Two nights ago.

the 20th hour, the night my final exams were completed, the ICC worship team and I were preparing for service the next morning..

We practiced two songs, trying to up our co-ordination and team-playing levels.. Trading my Sorrows and You are Good, with all the jings and jangs and flowers.. That was the plan at first, until physical fatigue set in for me, and it became a battle in my mind and a battle in my body..

The latter was wrought with wars of attrition.. The former being an argument; was it merely a performance, practicing like this for tomorrow's stage show? Am I doing a show? What if I just scrap all the ideas I suggested, and go the way it's always been practiced, straight and simple? Was two hours of training enough to carry the song the next day? By scrapping the ideas, is it giving up and being lazy?

Not surprisingly, at wits end I was.. And then I got some ideas to finally wrap up the two songs, and spent just 10 minutes on one more.. But yet it didn't quite seem right. I said to God, "I really really need your help".. Went to bed that night just wondering what needs to be corrected.

Sunday morning

8am. Set my alarm for 7, wanting to pray, but as usual, the flesh is weak.. or was it God's decision to send me back to sleep? Woke up at 7.55, and I was nervous! What do I do, I can't go on stage like this! I could only limp over to my laptop; and started preparing. The verse of the day was:

Song of Solomon 8:13
Thou that dwellest in the gardens, the companions hearken to Thy voice: cause me to hear it.

The deeper idea spoke of the putting of off our flesh to hear God's voice.. Wanting to hear His voice was one thing, actually hearing it is blissfully different. I desired to actually hear it at that moment and through the whole Sunday, but as was said, actually hearing it is different. I asked my Father that morning if He would humble me just so I can hear His voice, just so I can lead worship sincerely and to usher in the Holy Spirit who inhibits the praises of His people.. I was still at the deep end of no-wits-land.

10.15am. Singing those two songs felt fake indeed. It did. In my heart was, Lord how do I save this worship service.. See how much pride I had? as if it all rested on my hands. And He did the unthinkable. After the prophecy, we went into the song 'The Heart of Worship' (which was also intended for that Sunday morning, but I don't know why I chose that). It was incredible. Wow. Wow. Wow. For the first time I could actually cry my way through the song, as the congregation began to sing 'all is stripped away' 'longing just to bring something that's of worth'. Was I bringing anything meaningful and worthy enough to be sacrificed at the altar that morning? Was I just bringing a circus parade of musical talent, or a broken and contrite spirit?

Just before starting the song, the prophecy over the church was re-played on Audio, and I took the opportunity to nervously share what was just interfering with my battered intellect throughout the re-play:

When we worship our God, we come to church on Sunday morning, and yet put on a performance the whole other 6 days. It's not like we don't struggle to worship God in truth, with our lifestyles, but everyone is guilty of putting on a show. We come to God on Sundays singing songs with words but not with total hearts, because some of that heart has been spent putting on facade after facade; how we in our own little worlds have made worship to look the way we want it to look: All about us.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship, when it's all about You, it's all about You, Jesus.

On Sunday, we are face down.
From Monday to Saturday, we are face up, our sin puffing us up in our own estimation. We have money in our pockets, shoes on our feet. We have friends, and a career. We have what we call, a future. We have all this, and all that, and yet we can do things like turn off the news when we don't like what we see. We avoid people who don't have money in their pockets, with bare feet, no family, no career, no future. Yea it's easy to do life when the music of everything is playing our lives into tempo.

And when the music does fade, what do we have to hide behind? No mask, no jewelery, just a layer of, nothing. And we have but no choice, other than to come to Our Maker, saying, I am not worthy, make me like one of your servants. And Dad, in His great mercy, takes us not on a guilt trip but a journey of grace. This is the journey He took me on. This is true worship.

Day 91: Just one day later

2010-08-22T09:23:00.002+08:00

Isaiah 45:19
I said not unto the seed of Jacob, Seek ye Me in vain.

We may gain much solace by considering what God has not said. What He has said is inexpressibly full of comfort and delight; what He has not said is scarcely less rich in consolation. It was one of these "said nots" which preserved the kingdom of Israel in the days of Jeroboam the son of Joash, for "the Lord said not that He would blot out the name of Israel from under heaven." 2 Kings 14:27. In our text we have an assurance that God will answer prayer, because He hath "not said unto the seed of Israel, Seek ye Me in vain." You who write bitter things against yourselves should remember that, let your doubts and fears say what they will, if God has not cut you off from mercy, there is no room for despair: even the voice of conscience is of little weight if it be not seconded by the voice of God. What God has said, tremble at! But suffer not your vain imaginings to overwhelm you with despondency and sinful despair. Many timid persons have been vexed by the suspicion that there may be something in God's decree which shuts them out from hope, but here is a complete refutation to that troublesome fear, for no true seeker can be decreed to wrath. "I have not spoken in secret, in a dark place of the earth; I have not said," even in the secret of my unsearchable decree, "Seek ye Me in vain." God has clearly revealed that He will hear the prayer of those who call upon Him, and that declaration cannot be contravened. He has so firmly, so truthfully, so righteously spoken, that there can be no room for doubt. He does not reveal His mind in unintelligible words, but He speaks plainly and positively, "Ask, and ye shall receive." Believe, O trembler, this sure truth-that prayer must and shall be heard, and that never, even in the secrets of eternity, has the Lord said unto any living soul, "Seek ye Me in vain."

-Charles Spurgeon

You are indeed faithful!

Day 91: Just one day later

2010-08-22T09:23:00.000+08:00

Isaiah 45:19
I said not unto the seed of Jacob, Seek ye Me in vain.

We may gain much solace by considering what God has not said. What He has said is inexpressibly full of comfort and delight; what He has not said is scarcely less rich in consolation. It was one of these "said nots" which preserved the kingdom of Israel in the days of Jeroboam the son of Joash, for "the Lord said not that He would blot out the name of Israel from under heaven." 2 Kings 14:27. In our text we have an assurance that God will answer prayer, because He hath "not said unto the seed of Israel, Seek ye Me in vain." You who write bitter things against yourselves should remember that, let your doubts and fears say what they will, if God has not cut you off from mercy, there is no room for despair: even the voice of conscience is of little weight if it be not seconded by the voice of God. What God has said, tremble at! But suffer not your vain imaginings to overwhelm you with despondency and sinful despair. Many timid persons have been vexed by the suspicion that there may be something in God's decree which shuts them out from hope, but here is a complete refutation to that troublesome fear, for no true seeker can be decreed to wrath. "I have not spoken in secret, in a dark place of the earth; I have not said," even in the secret of my unsearchable decree, "Seek ye Me in vain." God has clearly revealed that He will hear the prayer of those who call upon Him, and that declaration cannot be contravened. He has so firmly, so truthfully, so righteously spoken, that there can be no room for doubt. He does not reveal His mind in unintelligible words, but He speaks plainly and positively, "Ask, and ye shall receive." Believe, O trembler, this sure truth-that prayer must and shall be heard, and that never, even in the secrets of eternity, has the Lord said unto any living soul, "Seek ye Me in vain."

-Charles Spurgeon

You are indeed faithful!

Day 90

2010-08-21T21:52:00.002+08:00

was 35 days ago. And 77 since the last related post. Yet, it seems that my expectations of a 'cure' for this 'disease' were not as I 'wanted' them to be. Ah, the ironies of living life. Not having what you want. In want of what you don't. And it's amazing how You work it all out for my good, invisible as it is to me.

Looking back, I remember my fragility, my volatility. And after 90 days, it's as if, nothing has changed. Has it? 125 days now, I feel worse off in that I'm still the same old me. There's something wrong here, David. If you intend to change the world, how can you stay the same old side of you that's not right?

Father, I expected some kind of impact-miracle, or at least a visible mark which I can be proud of. Yet nothing has come. Why? On the outside, things seem alright. On the inside it's not. And I'm putting it off when I should be working on it. Am I too busy to set myself straight with You? Am I spending so much time cleaning my outside and leaving the internals stained and smelled?

Have I wasted these 125 days on myself that I have forgotten about You? I'm far from You, my Father. I need you more than ever, yet I don't have the will to push myself to draw close. Why this silence? I'm waiting for this deliverance. I'm waiting for this wind to reverse itself. I'm blind to it, I can't sense it, feel it, nothing. but I need it. I need to know it's there. At least I think so. But God, what is best for Your fame, and our closeness, let it be so.. And give me strength to play the part You have given to me. I know You'll always keep Your promises, for You can't ever not keep them. I on the other hand, am fragile and weak. See Your servant, he has but little talent, and naught but skill-less, but what little I have left, I want to give it to You. Much have I wasted on godlessness, but yet You love me and are graceful to me. How could I fathom this?

Much grace for much sin, and much more I love You, and give myself for You as I wait for the day which faith shall no longer be invisible, but I shall see You with clarity and behold Your awesomeness and run into Your faithful arms.

An impatient Patient

2010-08-12T00:17:00.002+08:00

I'm an impatient patient. Sick and in pain, but I cant wait for healing to take it's time. Selfishly, I've looked to my own comfort all this time. Everything I have done has been for me. In this pain, I have only crafted for myself a shell called self-pity, and that the world should be fairer. But there is no unfair and unjust world from a just God. Instead of looking at me like I'm the center of my own sphere, I need to push through. Yes, I must move on and push on. Circumstances array themselves like walls, walls that seem to get bigger, but pride, it is pride that has made me smaller. So flush away my pride, and replace it with trust, Lord, to believe that You are mighty to save. I don't see things the way You do, but You already promised that it'd be for my good. And I know a good God doesn't make bad promises. I don't see the picture album of life,

*but life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time, but you'll see the bigger picture!
once you feel the weight of glory
all your pain will fade to memory
press on and fight the good fight
'cause the pain that you've been feeling
is just the hurt before the healing
is just the dawn before the morning*

*words and music by Josh Wilson.

I look through a tube, but you view through the kaleidoscope of life.
I merely tasted pain, but you have are a man acquainted with grief and sorrow
I feel high and mighty, but you command legions of angels.
I feel ashamed and insecure, but you took the scorn when you didn't deserve it
I read and discern in years, but you understand the universes like it's an egg.

Wake up, wake up, O sleeper, and see that God is sovereign. Wait.

Day 48: Glorious

2010-06-05T12:00:00.002+08:00

Today, He has assured me a space reserved for me in heaven, in the royal orchestra in the courts of the King of all kings, who is also my ever close companion. I belong in the category of 'uncategorized worshippers', being exactly just who He made to me be, in His presence giving a totally unique form of praise, right beside all the other uncategorized worshippers, giving glory to Him in their own way. To dance and sing with this orchestra, alongside the simultaneous choir of angels and orchestra of all creation, both big and small, to displace glory to Him who deserves it in the very perfect nature that God will help me to obtain, is nothing short of what I now want.

It is a great honour and no mean feat playing beside a person of glory, the glory of an overcomer. But our King, who we play for, wears the glory of an Overcomer who vanquished all his foes, a Prince who still is undefeated to this day, an Intercessor who never has failed, and the glory of one who underwent great grief and sorrow and came out of it victorious. How much more infinite is this honour! How exceeding, this joy of playing in the courts of the King who owns the oldest kingdom, the largest kingdom, the most powerful kingdom, the kingdom of love, the kingdom which endures forever! Time is short. Eternity is long. I have decided to make every effort to worship like I'm in heaven. Not only in mere time. But in all eternity.

If you would delight in His glory hereafter, He must be glorious in your sight now. Is He so?

The gospel

2010-05-25T09:08:00.001+08:00

is bold and fearless - we have to proclaim it whether men like it or not..
is gentle - some professors are sharper than thorn-hedges.. don't be like them.
is loving - "Love one another"
is holy - shun not only the grosser vices, but everything which hinders perfect conformity to Christ

Day 36

2010-05-24T11:34:00.000+08:00

Love so rich, You understand
My poor spirit cant comprehend
Price so great I cant repay
Treasure that does not fade away

Love unrivalled, love so strong
To this delight I bring this song
Heav'n may perish, Earth will end
But thy great love shall always stand.

I am Yours, not half my heart,
A tribute to you, my every part,
I am forever Yours.
Because of your love
Because of your love

Day 12

2010-04-30T11:01:00.000+08:00

Psalm 149:4
The Lord taketh pleasure in His people.

How comprehensive is the love of Jesus! There is no part of His people's interests which He does not consider, and there is nothing which concerns their welfare which is not important to Him. Not merely does He think of you, believer, as an immortal being, but as a mortal being too. Do not deny it or doubt it: "The very hairs of your head are all numbered." "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in His way." It were a sad thing for us if this mantle of love did not cover all our concerns, for what mischief might be wrought to us in that part of our business which did not come under our gracious Lord's inspection! Believer, rest assured that the heart of Jesus cares about your meaner affairs. The breadth of His tender love is such that you may resort to Him in all matters; for in all your afflictions He is afflicted, and like as a father pitieth his children, so doth He pity you. The meanest interests of all His saints are all borne upon the broad bosom of the Son of God. Oh, what a heart is His, that doth not merely comprehend the persons of His people, but comprehends also the diverse and innumerable concerns of all those persons! Dost thou think, O Christian, that thou canst measure the love of Christ? Think of what His love has brought thee-justification, adoption, sanctification, eternal life! The riches of His goodness are unsearchable; thou shalt never be able to tell them out or even conceive them. Oh, the breadth of the love of Christ! Shall such a love as this have half our hearts? Shall it have a cold love in return? Shall Jesus' marvellous lovingkindness and tender care meet with but faint response and tardy acknowledgment? O my soul, tune thy harp to a glad song of thanksgiving! Go to thy rest rejoicing, for thou art no desolate wanderer, but a beloved child, watched over, cared for, supplied, and defended by thy Lord.

Day 6: Not Everything is as it Seems

2010-04-24T19:57:00.003+08:00

One would define his own life by the choices he has made, or more precisely, how the choices affected him and the people around him. As everyone else, I have made many wrong choices in life, but, I define it as a wrong choice. Not everybody does. Hence, not everything is as it seems.

Even before making any decision, one would make assumptions, hypothesize certain things, laying out different courses of action that are considered beneficial to oneself. Yet, he cannot define the true outcome or circumstance of any action. He can only anticipate it. He cannot guarantee it. That is the future. Future is uncertainty. Future is fear inducing. The future must be controlled to the highest degree possible by that man, or he will consider himself insecure. I have learnt very recently that the future is not what it seems. Even the present.

I am in a dilemma, in which I have to decide between two things, whereby both decisions have one common, primary goal, that is to benefit a certain someone the most. Yet, I know not the most correct, beneficial, worthwhile decision to make. And when I am in this dilemma, I am biased to a decision because I know that I will benefit as well, from that particular decision. A secondary goal, that is.

After gathering sufficient intelligence, data, information, one would conclude the safest decision, from a viewpoint called viewpoint A. However, not everything is as it seems. From viewpoint B, that intelligence, data, and information may or may not be wrongly interpreted.

When applied in my case, my intuition may well be a misconception, or it may not. Anyway, after logically explaining everything to myself, I comfort myself by deciding on a particular course of action, action A. Suddenly, new intel comes by, I reverse my course of action. And I redefine everything, and make a new decision, course of action B. Yet again, more data comes by, and turns everything I've worked for upside down, and makes me turn it all back up, rearrange everything, and decide on a new course of action, action C. And the cycle continues for many, many, many, excruciating hours, and how many more hours must I endure? Three months.

Why must I think so much? I do not know. Is this very important to me. An absolute yes.

God, help me. I need it.

Day 4: I declare War

2010-04-21T12:19:00.005+08:00

^{1 Samuel 17:18}Fight the Lord's battles.
^{Ephesians 6:10-18
10}Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. ¹²For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ¹⁸And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Every morning I wake up and pray that I pick up my cross, and yet, I fight my own battles, I fight battles alone. I forget to fight the Lord's battles. Battles that are bigger than mine, battles that He will surely win. Exams? Careers? Relationships? I seem to miss out on God's battle plan. While the rest of the saints are out there risking their lives for God in combat, I'm lazing around in the campsite..

Sigh, how much time have I wasted my life worrying about my businesses. Jesus always goes about His Father's business. So I must go about Abba's business too. Today God reminded me of His battles, against the evil one. So today I have decided to remember the Lord's battles everyday. I choose to forget my trivial, petty arguments.

So to go to battle, I need your armor, o Lord. Help me to put on the equipment, and ready myself to the battle stations. Show me to my position. Am I a frontline warrior? Am I a paramedic? Am I the support beams? Strengthen my feeble knees, afraid and weak I am. Help me Lord, to fight your battles and at the same time deal with my fleshly needs and lusts. I know that my battle gear comes with the shield of faith! You are ever in the midst of the fight, and therefore the battle is not doubtful. As the conflict rages, it is sweet satisfaction to know that You, our great Intercessor, Commander of our army, are prevalently pleading for your people. This lifetime, help me to fight your battles, your way, and by Your grace I will succeed.

Let us as saints, fight as if it all depended upon us, but let us look up and know that all depends upon Him. Onward! For the fight is not ours, but the Lord's.

Day 2: the power of the promise

2010-04-19T12:45:00.004+08:00

How timely. A close friend of mine is now experiencing a somewhat similar situation.. Two days have passed, none of which have been easy. Each day has been filled with sorrow and unrest, but yet an inner peace which comes with spending daily time with you.. hearing from you and learning from you and about you.. it's true; that when I feel alone and have lost all hope, I begin to know instinctively that I am not truly alone and I have a hope which is founded upon your character called faithfulness.

And there is one greater still; a hope that comes from your spoken word, a promise... I have Your divine promise, so I can urge it with all certainty for You are true to your word. When you give a promissory note, your honour is engaged; you sign your hand, and you must discharge it when the due time comes, or else you lose credit. It has never been said of You throughout the Bible that you dishonour your bills. Your credit has never been impeached, and never shall be. You are punctual to the moment. You are never before Your time, but You are never behind it.

Genesis 32:12
And thou saidst, I will surely do thee good.

Day 1: Wait

2010-04-18T00:14:00.003+08:00

the first of many significant days. The first day of three months of waiting and seeking the Lord.
And day 1 is hardest day by far. Why does reading your word become so difficult. I can't seem to get anything in.. Music doesn't seem to work, though it usually does. All I have left is pure faith, and I realise I do not have enough. I remember I made a promise with You to go through your refining fire. And once this holy fire separates the pathetic, weak, impure faith, I believe it will yield so, so little. And yet, at least it's pure, LORD. This faith will be tested within this three months, just trusting in the one thing that you said on day zero: "Wait".

I used to think that word wasn't too difficult. Until today. The challenge is not as easy or simple, you know what I mean, Father, though I cannot share it out here. I get confused easily. My mind is torn. One corner of my mind says "maybe your heart is deceiving you. Maybe you should just let go of what's happening and move on. How do you know that this is not God". The other says: "Wait".. I DON'T KNOW!!! I DON'T KNOW!!! I DON'T KNOW!!! Help God. In this case, I'll just decide to wait. Since it is harder. Three months, LORD? I wish you could remove this cup of sorrow from me, but it seems I am going to drink it for quite some time.. Sigh.

Dear Father, I know not what to do. What is best? Am I deceiving myself? Let go or hold on to this current situation? I assume now, that if You do not respond, or if I do not hear, then I'll just wait. I pray only that I have made the right decision. Bless you, My Lord. Dear Jesus, you are my shepherd, and I shall not want. You are my daily bread, you are my everything, because I have nothing left. Help.

Loneliness

2010-04-16T13:28:00.000+08:00

would only serve to strengthen the fact that I am never truly alone.

Nevertheless

2010-04-16T10:36:00.000+08:00

Not my will but Yours be done.

April

2010-04-02T04:22:00.003+08:00

The month of April, which is derived from the Latin word aperio signifies to open, because the buds and blossoms are now opening, and we have arrived at the gates of the flowery year.. springtime..
It is also the same week when our beloved Saviour was crucified. The most beautiful of all flowers, the perfect Rose of Sharon outshines and outgives; from the crimson leaves of sorrow, his blood and love flow mingled down, so that us the wildflowers surrounding Him may enjoy this supernatural grace..

May us, as flowers too, allow our hearts to bud and blossom in accordance with all of nature, so that together we may give acclaim to He who is the perfect rose! It is always time to seek the Lord, let us not wait another spring season, for then the days of our youth will soon turn grey. Let us not delay, hasten, hurry, be anxious to seek Him. Bless You Lord.

"It is time to seek Him." - Hosea 10:12

W3!rd

2010-03-26T00:14:00.002+08:00

Being weird has it's benefits, no doubt. Imagine if the world was filled with normal people in a normal environment. Normal being defined as non-weird. Imagine a normal probability distribution(for the maths people), if there were no outliers, ugh! You'll NEVER, mark my words, NEVER change the world if you stay normal. Ever.

Albert Einstein was a weirdo. Guess what, he changed the world!
Isaac Newton too. Guess what, he changed the world!
And I believe that Jesus too is.. The hated ones were His friends, and the desert was his bed. He was despised, never truly loved; all the affection in the world for Him was because they wanted something, and then.. they crucified Him.

So I must be weird; there is no other way. No turning back. I must be hated by the world as it is, despised, never loved; and then crucified for Him on the cross He has provided for me.

I have decided, to follow Jesus
No one go with me, still I will follow
The cross before me, the world behind me
No turning back, no turning back.

Traitor. Deceiver. Betrayer.

2010-03-26T00:08:00.003+08:00

Luke 22:48
Betrayest thou the Son of Man with a kiss?

The kisses of an enemy are deceitful." Let me be on my guard when the world puts on a loving face, for it will, if possible, betray me as it did my Master, with a kiss. Whenever a man is about to stab religion, he usually professes very great reverence for it. Let me beware of the sleek-faced hypocrisy which is armour-bearer to heresy and infidelity. Knowing the deceivableness of unrighteousness, let me be wise as a serpent to detect and avoid the designs of the enemy. The young man, void of understanding, was led astray by the kiss of the strange woman: may my soul be so graciously instructed all this day, that "the much fair speech" of the world may have no effect upon me. Holy Spirit, let me not, a poor frail son of man, be betrayed with a kiss! But what if I should be guilty of the same accursed sin as Judas, that son of perdition? I have been baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus; I am a member of His visible Church; I sit at the communion table: all these are so many kisses of my lips. AM I sincere in them? If not, I am a base traitor. Do I live in the world as carelessly as others do, and yet make a profession of being a follower of Jesus? Then I must expose religion to ridicule, and lead men to speak evil of the holy name by which I am called. Surely if I act thus inconsistently I am a Judas, and it were better for me that I had never been born. Dare I hope that I am clear in this matter? Then, O Lord, keep me so. O Lord, make me sincere and true. Preserve me from every false way. Never let me betray my Saviour. I do love Thee, Jesus, and though I often grieve Thee, yet I would desire to abide faithful even unto death. O God, forbid that I should be a high-soaring professor, and then fall at last into the lake of fire, because I betrayed my Master with a kiss. - Charles H. Spurgeon

Note to self: Liar, liar make sure your pants won't catch a fire, you will soon find out that it will so be if you are careless with your heart. Get me the armour of God! Ready to the battle positions!

Abide in Me

2010-03-10T08:27:00.002+08:00

All for Love the Father gave,
for only Love could make a way
All for Love, the Heavens cried
for Love was crucified

How many times have I broken your heart
still you forgive, if only I ask
How many times have you heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is you
my beginning my forever
Everything I need is you

Let me sing all for Love
I will join the angels' song
ever holy is the Lord
King of glory King of all

How many times have I broken your heart
still you forgive, if only I ask
How many times have you heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is you
my beginning my forever
Everything I need is you

All for Love the Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
though they know not what they do
let the cross draw men to You

John 15:4
Abide in Me.

Communion with Christ is a certain cure for every ill. Whether it be the wormwood of woe, or the cloying surfeit of earthly delight, close fellowship with the Lord Jesus will take bitterness from the one, and satiety from the other. Live near to Jesus, Christian, and it is matter of secondary importance whether thou livest on the mountain of honour or in the valley of humiliation. Living near to Jesus, thou art covered with the wings of God, and underneath thee are the everlasting arms. Let nothing keep thee from that hallowed intercourse, which is the choice privilege of a soul wedded to THE WELL-BELOVED. Be not content with an interview now and then, but seek always to retain His company, for only in His presence hast thou either comfort or safety. Jesus should not be unto us a friend who calls upon us now and then, but one with whom we walk evermore. Thou hast a difficult road before thee: see, O traveller to heaven, that thou go not without thy guide. Thou hast to pass through the fiery furnace; enter it not unless, like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, thou hast the Son of God to be thy companion. Thou hast to storm the Jericho of thine own corruptions: attempt not the warfare until, like Joshua, thou hast seen the Captain of the Lord's host, with His sword drawn in His hand. Thou art to meet the Esau of thy many temptations: meet him not until at Jabbok's brook thou hast laid hold upon the angel, and prevailed. In every case, in every condition, thou wilt need Jesus; but most of all, when the iron gates of death shall open to thee. Keep thou close to thy soul's Husband, lean thy head upon His bosom, ask to be refreshed with the spiced wine of His pomegranate, and thou shalt be found of Him at the last, without spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing. Seeing thou hast lived with Him, and lived in Him here, thou shalt abide with Him for ever. -Charles Spurgeon

Spirit descend.

2010-03-04T09:11:00.002+08:00

Matthew 3:16
He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove.

descended upon the LORD like a dove. And He so also descends upon us, children of the Father, producing the character like that of the blessed redeemer, Jesus. A dove resembles a peaceful picture, patience in affliction, harmlessness; it cannot inflict damage, only receiving it. Likewise I pray LORD, may my character be like that, and yet, in bearing with pain and sorrows which you are infinitely familiar with, I can be a stalwart, adamant, restitute, and founded soldier of Christ by the grace which you have so freely dispensed and the Truth and Your proceeding word and all your fullness. Amen.

An empty Vessel.

2010-03-03T10:26:00.003+08:00

an empty vessel. The fuller it becomes, the deeper it sinks. The greater the success put in my hands by Him, the more I should be on my knees. The substance ought to be filled in my empty vessel is not light-weighted conceitedness, but dense humility.

Verily, no true success I obtain is by me, but Christ alone, no truly valuable success in my hands has not been on my knees.. What I do, I do not on my own, but what I do, I do in Christ, for it is His Spirit in me. This is one of the unsearchable riches of Christ revealed to me today. Bless the LORD.

Mercy and Wrath

2010-02-25T14:15:00.003+08:00

The mercy and wrath of God demands naught but great attention. Undivided is his love, and yet, undivided is his justice!

O sinner, as yet the water-floods are dammed up by mercy, but the flood-gates shall soon be opened: the thunderbolts of God are yet in His storehouse, but lo! the tempest hastens, and how awful shall that moment be when God, robed in vengeance, shall march forth in fury!

Phew. Scary thought.

Rubber love

2010-02-11T08:48:00.002+08:00

Isaiah 44:22
I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, and, as a cloud, thy sins: return unto Me; for I have redeemed thee.

You have blotted out, erased my sins from your memory, remembering not the trangressions of my past, present and even the future. Why sould I remain here, and not return unto thee? You have redeemed me with the noblest act of sacrifice. I shall return immediately and enter into thy courts with the boldest assurance.

Talentine's Day

2010-02-10T23:57:00.003+08:00

Talentine's day. Well, just a title to get readers attracted. Wonder if it works. It's valentine's season anyway. The season where single people grow richer, relatively. Ahh, singlehood. I don't really like being single. Never did. But I wonder if I'll ever learn to appreciate it.

Talent. I was raised up in a very 'normal' environment. Weird is disallowable. Conventional is synonymous with acceptable. I was born left-handed; but I never knew I was cane-forced to be a right-handed person. Until now.

Ah. A part of me wonders what my future would be if I were to continue using my left hand. Probably wouldn't be taking engineering.

What am I good at. What do I like? I don't know. Probably singing and music. And robots and sound engineering! Why, opposing factions. A chemistry perhaps.. Oh. just realised, one of my talents, would be not writing. It's tough to muster enough energy to post. Talent makes you feel good about yourself, and make you feel jealous of others. I think. OK. Sleep!

Ahh..

2010-02-03T16:18:00.000+08:00

Life is like a box of chocolates, although you'll never know what you're gonna get, it'll still taste bittersweet

I want you

2010-02-02T21:09:00.003+08:00

more than you know.. but does that mean I like you? Does that however, make me selfish?

misunderstandable songs

2010-01-30T20:40:00.003+08:00

andai aku terbuang tak diterima
andai aku disingkirkan
ke mana harus kubawakan
ke mana harus kusemaikan
cinta ini..

aku bukanlah seorang perwira
gagah menghunus senjata
namun hati rela berjuang
walau dengan cara sendiri
demi cinta ini...

ku ingin kotakan seribu janji
sepanjang kedewasaan ini
ku ingin sampaikan pesanan
akulah peny___ _______

Time Eternity

2010-01-29T15:15:00.002+08:00

I am His, and He is mine,
bought with the precious blood of Christ!

Time-how short. Eternity-how long!
For what is pain, and how does suffering compare, when eternal crowns are bestowed to the conquerors.. overcomers.
Let the darkness of the past and the gloom of the present fade surely away, as heavenward thoughts descend!

Blessed Assurance

2010-01-24T14:26:00.002+08:00

is perfect delight! He is mine and I am His

The right way to start

2010-01-03T16:31:00.007+08:00

2010 would be revelation.

I don't usually make resolutions. And this year too, I didn't. But this day, You gave me something to live by, and for that I am forever grateful. Our bible sermon in church this morning was, worship. Today's topic of worship was worshipping in Spirit. and in Truth.

Worshipping in spirit was easy most of the time, but worshipping in truth?
Living upon God is easy, but am I anxious enough to live for Him?
Communing with GOD is as usual, but acting out my communion with Him?
Loving GOD is great, but do I fear Him enough to obey Him?

And then I realised my issue with GOD for 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and all. I just did not fear Him. So my one and only wishlist this year would be:

To learn holy fear. That is it LORD, and I know You will help me with it =) And this amazing revelation came to me during service. You clearly reminded me of this verse today:

and David said to Nathan the prophet, "Here I am, living in a palace of cedar, while the ark of God remains in a tent." - 2 Samuel 7:2

This year, I will build up His holy temple of praise, with clean hands and a pure heart. I have lived in my palace long enough. This eternity, I will put God in the cedar palace while I live in a tent.

Bless Your Name, the great I am!

Charitability

2009-11-24T21:15:00.002+08:00

How would you feel if for the first time,you invested so much effort to help the less fortunate,being naive in the other details, and someone just STEPS IN and says, NO, and you can't do nothing about it.

It's like, you want to donate rm5 to a poor person, but, that person says, "one day u will need that rm5... You have to keep that rm5! otherwise I'll...."
All you want is to be helpful, and someone just comes in and ruin everything.

[Insert Your Response]
eg. I would push that person aside, and say "Here, take this rm5 too, if you're so dissatisfied with my charity, oh so holy being. Put your money somewhere other than your mouth"

PAS (2)

2009-11-22T22:37:00.002+08:00

come to think about it, three posts ago I said I wanted GOD to teach me how to love and be hated. And now that he's training me, I'm being indifferent.

I must really be a letdown to GOD. 'Uncool'. Still, God is love and love won't leave me. So what if I'm hated? He loves me. You too.

PAS

2009-11-22T21:44:00.002+08:00

Perpetually-Annoyed-Syndrome.. Anyone relating to this?

It's seriously irritating when someone doesn't treat you with the respect that an individual deserves. So what about it? Do you swallow it in, pretend nothing ever happened? Do you unleash the impending wrath upon your oppressor(s)? I'm the latter persona. Sometimes I wish I knew how to... , no, I definitely want to be able to correct lovingly. But love is difficult. "Yeah, tell me about it", says my inner self. Is it because of my own lack of patience, a fault of my Creator? Nah, that's not possible.
Two perspectives in this scenario:

1. the IRRITATED:
Simply, IRRITATED LIKE MAD LAH!!!! It's even more irritating when IRRITATOR is someone you are close to. (Note that I didn't use the term love). NOTABLY when that someone is a CHRISTIAN. Do this, do that. You shouldn't say this, that's a badword! If you truly love GOD you would listen to so and so speak instead of spending your time doing useless things like you're doing now. I can't rely on you, you're so unreliable. You are facing all this issues because of that sin lah, there, you remember that sin?

CUT THE CRAP,you self-righteous, guilt-piling (insert irritating person here)..
I'm already feeling judgemental at this point, so I'll leave it as it is.

2. the IRRITATOR:

Fill in the blanks, you who regard yourself to be here. I dareth not conclude this is how you feel: BUT the following probably is, 'well maybe':

Simply, IRRITATED LIKE MAD LAH!!!! It's even more irritating when IRRITATOR is someone you are close to. (Note that I didn't use the term love). NOTABLY when that someone is a CHRISTIAN. Do this, do that. You shouldn't say this, that's a badword! If you truly love GOD you would listen to so and so speak instead of spending your time doing useless things like you're doing now. I can't rely on you, you're so unreliable. You are facing all this issues because of that sin lah, there, you remember that sin?

CUT THE CRAP,you self-righteous, guilt-piling (insert irritating person here)..
I'm already feeling judgemental at this point, so I'll leave it as it is.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

It feels terrible on either side of the wall. Sigh. Even right now, I'm still feeling as if I've been dealt injustice. JESUS definitely has gone through what I have. What would you do, LORD?

Very

2009-11-19T23:21:00.000+08:00

Hard leh..

Love and be hated, or hate love Himself

2009-11-11T09:48:00.005+08:00

Matt 10:25 -> It is enough for the student to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master..

You were hated, LORD Jesus, despised by the very people you loved, scorned by the people you saved. As such, make me that way too, that I may be like you. As you have worn a crown of thorns, let me not wear a crown of jewel made by man, for it is dishonouring. Show me the way to wear this painful crown of thorns, and to bear this heavy cross. May I walk as you have walked, like a man without a place to lay his head. Teach me how to love and be hated, so that I may be considered worthy of a place in heaven near to You. Let me not say I love you with words, but hate you by not picking up my cross daily.

and I thought being a Christian was easy.

picture courtesy of www.rosaryworkshop.com

me? worship leader?

2009-11-08T15:12:00.006+08:00

if you can so casually describe worship as a lifestyle and not a liturgy, then worship leading isn't about leading a 5 piece band anymore. Will it not be about showing people how to live their lives?

If it's about picking up my own cross, then I'm no worship leader.

Poof

2009-11-07T00:00:00.000+08:00

Hmm, sometimes when I'm bored, and always right before bedtime, you do a magical appearance within the recesses of my brain. **Poof!!** No idea why, but you just pop up. As my mind's eye sees you, then my mind's lips will kind of smile. Just the kind of smile I want to drop off at your doorstep where you live. I would want to tell you at that very instant, that the smile carries a message, "Hi I thought of you today. I wondered yesterday if you were doing okay. And I hope that tomorrow I'll think of you again."

Aiyo, it's your fault I can't treat my pillow and bolster as cushions, pretending those things were you. Meant to help me sleep, but inadvertently became reminders of you. So I end up lying awake longer than usual, every night. You; the dream that makes we want to stay asleep. Maybe the doctors ought to add these to reasons for insomnia.

I wonder if I suddenly appear in your mind too, sometimes.
Sigh, this love leaves me bleeding, this love won't leave me alone.
I don't have enough blood to spill for you.
Wish I do, but reality reflects that I don't.
At least not yet. The groans and pains of waiting.

Passions

2009-11-02T22:39:00.001+08:00

Since I'm so procrastinative, I might as well take some time to list down what I really am passionate about.... brb. gonna play Monopoly first. lol

Hypocritical Christians

2009-11-01T15:12:00.005+08:00

If I can't lay down my life now, I may never be able to lay down my life anymore.
If I can't pick up my cross today, I will most likely not pick up my cross tomorrow
If I can't do what God want's me to do now, I may miss out on it forever.
When you compare 50 more years on earth to Eternity in hell, time is indeed of the essence..

Hypocritical Christians, like me, exist everywhere. You claim to know GOD, but deny him by the way you live. Worship Him in spirit, but not in truth. Sing songs of adoration, and yet hate your neighbour. Say you gotta skip class to attend a CF meeting, say you've got to put down a responsibility so you can worship-lead at a concert. Are you serving you, or are you serving God?

Time to wake up, or you and I are going to end up in hell. I don't want to hear the Father saying 'Depart from me, evildoer'.. What's the point of spending Sundays under a steeple,in a church-masquerade-play, and yet you can't spend a cent of your pocket money in helping the needy. What is the church? a museum for saints, or a hospital for sinners?

It's hard to be a christian, but never not worth the cost.

Update

2009-10-31T02:00:00.002+08:00

Yea la soon lar stop kacauing me. *I'm talking to my more hardworking self; this is my lazy self telling me I should sleep and get ready for exam tomorrow*

oh Pengurusan Persatuan, why art thou even an exam paper.. is the university(and therefore the government) going to decide how much soft skills you have with a piece of paper?!?!..

Thank You Holy Spirit for the strength to complete studies for this paper. You and I both know it took me a lot of strength. It's not like I finished studying it anyway, but thanks!

Denied. Foregone. Kept..

2009-10-30T01:56:00.005+08:00

Things are going well, too well. Things are way too comfortable. You know, it feel like it's time to get into trouble again, and then get transformed by God's amazing grace. Somehow, something deep inside is nudging, saying: "you're getting sucked into the world's matrix, or terraform, or lifestyle; they mean the same. Sigh, you know, when you read God's word, it makes you feel like you're somehow going to end up in hell; not because you don't believe in Jesus Christ, but because you're not daily picking up my cross and following Him.

I have 24 hours a day, and yet I don't devote that 24 hours to GOD. Going to church, doing the 'Christian' thing, all seems too easy, u know what I mean? When it comes to the stuff that matters, such as obeying God, staying away from sin, repentance, daily picking up my cross for Jesus Christ, losing my life for Him ( not to say one literally dies, but well, to give up on earthly pleasures such as food, games, fun, dying to sinful nature) , giving to those that cannot repay me, forgiving people, loving them, it's so difficult to do.

And right now, know that loving God is obeying Him, and loving those that He loves. So hard la. Sheesh.. Because it's so hard to love and obey and trust God, it's so beautiful to know that He understands our hopeless situation.

Praise to the Holy Spirit, because He's always there for me, whenever and wherever.
Praise to Jesus, for He is, at every moment, praying and asking the Father to forgive me, who is so weak and foolish.

A life denied and foregone for Him, is a far greater life kept waiting beyond the gates of heaven, within the glorious city walls.

Grace is

2009-10-06T09:20:00.004+08:00

It is the element that the Steadfast Defender supplies to do His will. Grace is not wantonness, it is not for boasting, it is for service. As it is, grace is bread from heaven, by which we receive heavenly strength, to do heavenly works. When Elijah had his cake of bread and water from the angel, he did not consume it at ease. Far otherwise! It became 40days and 40nights of strength, to continue the journey to Horeb. It is symbolic of the Master's grace. Before Elijah received manna, Jezebel was pursuing him to take his life. And only just before that, He slaughtered hundreds of false prophets, bringing glory to God.

Therefore, as we receive it, we ought not to forget that it is given, not for us to continue in the chains that bind us, but for us to faithfully turn away from the chains of sin. Let us not receive the measure of strength provided by grace just so we can remain in our corrupt ways. Let us receive of that strength to fight the Jezebels of our faith.

Earth is preparation for heaven. Heaven is the place where the believers work most and feast most. It is in heaven that the joy of the faithful is to serve Him. Render then, o my heart, the service justly required of grace, that I may not enter heaven and regret that I have not worked enough for your glory. May my body be battered and broken and bruised for Christ, that I may feed on greater manna, in anxious wait of the end of the race after which the prize given would be far greater.

Forgive me GOD, if I find no trouble living on You, and yet are not so anxious to live for You. Transform me, with the daily bread You give me, to bring heaven on Earth, your Kingdom come. Teach me, disciple me, for I wan't to be anxious to give you glory for the grace you so freely give. Remind me that grace is for Your glory, not for my satisfaction.

The Cost

2009-09-30T08:45:00.001+08:00

of following Jesus is more than a simple prayer to Him. It's faith and obedience. Or it might as well be an 'Indulgences' letter that u buy..

Worship

2009-09-28T00:06:00.001+08:00

an unbridled expression of love to God.

Faith

2009-09-24T14:18:00.003+08:00

It is a blessed thing to not have props and buttresses, to have sole reliance upon the Holy Spirit.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

Superficial Layer Cake

2009-09-23T22:38:00.002+08:00

Everything's so layer-cake like. But beneath all those layers, lies an integrated, homogeneous personality that truly describes you. But until then,

I have one superficial personality in front of acquaintances
I have one superficial personality in front of people I find weird
I have one superficial personality in front of lecturers
I have one superficial personality in front of Christians
I have one superficial personality in front of guys
I have one superficial personality in front of girls
I have one superficial personality in front of a girl I have the 'ahem' for
--that's a superficial statement right there because I'm shy to tell the truth :*) --
I have one superficial personality in front of each familiy member

Truth is, I only have one clear cut personality, just like everyone else.
I can't be everyone, I can truly only be me.

And that sort of me is found only in my beloved Jesus.
Oh the beauty of it all.

Surety Himself

2009-09-22T02:10:00.002+08:00

Fear not. GOD is near. Rest rejoicing in your Surety.

Deny God or Deny Me?

2009-09-14T01:16:00.004+08:00

Make no mistake, we are indeed living in difficult times (2 Tim 2:3-4). This morning's church service and devotions combined to produce a significant warning from the Father; Many Christians profess with their mouths that they know GOD, but deny him by the way they live. And they go on deceiving others while bringing them down along with them.

¹⁰For there are many rebellious people, mere talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision group. ¹¹They must be silenced, because they are ruining whole households by teaching things they ought not to teach—and that for the sake of dishonest gain. ¹²Even one of their own prophets has said, "Cretans are always liars, evil brutes, lazy gluttons." ¹³This testimony is true. Therefore, rebuke them sharply, so that they will be sound in the faith ¹⁴and will pay no attention to Jewish myths or to the commands of those who reject the truth. ¹⁵To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted. ¹⁶They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good. ->Titus 1:10-16<-

And I come back to think about the way I live. Too much self-indulgence. Sure, I don't bow down to physical idols, but I sure spend lots of energy to please myself. Entertainment has become an idol, drawing me away from time spent with GOD. A regrettable waste of eternal blesssings comes when I waste my time. Faith without deeds is dead, faith without obedience is dead. Even demons have faith, and believe that God is real. It's just that demons do not obey GOD nor do they give up their lives for Him. The only thing that separates us from these demons is the way we live.

"Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that - and shudder." ->James 2:18-19<-

Phew. Am I faithful yet disobedient? Am I professing yet contradicting? I pray not. Teach me, dear Holy Spirit, to work out my salvation with fear and trembling, to deny myself in order that I will not deny you. May earthly pleasures seem dull, may perishable treasures be of no worth to me, that I may find only You as my true fulfilment. Let me not disqualify myself from the prize that you have already promised me. Crucify my earthly, mortal, lustful being to Your wondrous cross again and again and again. Sanctify me, purify me, I cannot do so on my own. That You dear Jesus. Sweet Jesus. Amen.

All to Jesus I surrender;
all to him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust him,
in his presence daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender;
humbly at his feet I bow,
worldly pleasures all forsaken;
take me, Jesus, take me now.

All to Jesus I surrender;
make me, Savior, wholly thine;
fill me with thy love and power;
truly know that thou art mine.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to thee;
fill me with thy love and power;
let thy blessing fall on me.

All to Jesus I surrender;
now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to his name!

Alone

2009-09-04T09:22:00.002+08:00

In Christianity, the beauty of being lonely is that, we know that we're never truly alone.
In having no friends, family or spouse, we have Jesus. So sweet to believe in you, who are sweet in nature, gentle and faithful.

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.

The LORD trieth the righteous

2009-09-04T09:10:00.000+08:00

Psalm 11:5
The Lord trieth the righteous.

All events are under the control of Providence; consequently all the trials of our outward life are traceable at once to the great First Cause. Out of the golden gate of God's ordinance the armies of trial march forth in array, clad in their iron armour, and armed with weapons of war. All providences are doors to trial. Even our mercies, like roses, have their thorns. Men may be drowned in seas of prosperity as well as in rivers of affliction. Our mountains are not too high, and our valleys are not too low for temptations: trials lurk on all roads. Everywhere, above and beneath, we are beset and surrounded with dangers. Yet no shower falls unpermitted from the threatening cloud; every drop has its order ere it hastens to the earth. The trials which come from God are sent to prove and strengthen our graces, and so at once to illustrate the power of divine grace, to test the genuineness of our virtues, and to add to their energy. Our Lord in His infinite wisdom and superabundant love, sets so high a value upon His people's faith that He will not screen them from those trials by which faith is strengthened. You would never have possessed the precious faith which now supports you if the trial of your faith had not been like unto fire. You are a tree that never would have rooted so well if the wind had not rocked you to and fro, and made you take firm hold upon the precious truths of the covenant grace. Worldly ease is a great foe to faith; it loosens the joints of holy valour, and snaps the sinews of sacred courage. The balloon never rises until the cords are cut; affliction doth this sharp service for believing souls. While the wheat sleeps comfortably in the husk it is useless to man, it must be threshed out of its resting place before its value can be known. Thus it is well that Jehovah trieth the righteous, for it causeth them to grow rich towards God.

-Charles H. Spurgeon

Waiting to be graceful

2009-09-02T22:50:00.002+08:00

We only live 24 hours a day, 168 hours a week, 720 hours a month, and the redundant list goes on. There is only so much that we can do. How fallible we are when it comes to self discipline. Procrastination, laziness (ie, Facebook, Computer Games), that we miss out on so much of His blessings. Alas, disobedience to God in terms of our time forbids so much of his great blessings. Worst of all, doubting that God will never leave us nor forsake us. How terrible it is to doubt his inerrant character, it's like saying He might have made a mistake somewhere. Such faithlessness.. such worry.

Yet, there is a pair of loving arms waiting to be extended to me, in the bosom of my Lord my Saviour. In His embrace, what do I have to worry? It reminds me that He is my portion, it reminds me that nothing else matters in the light of Him. O Sweet Jesus, what are you thinking of now?

LORD, thanks for waiting just to show your graciousness to me. Each moment of life does not go uninspected because of your great love. Teach me to hate faithlessness, to shun doubt, for that is not fitting for Your people. Your tender heart Jesus, waits to hear my grief, let me pour them into Your patient ear. What am I afraid of when You're around?

The Encouragement Blog

2009-08-31T23:44:00.002+08:00

You know you run out post ideas when your posts start with your blogtitles. My blogging interest, and frequency has decreased, with the latter as the result of the former.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need some inspiration. Need some peer pressure, need a fresh new experience. Back when I started this blog, I intended for it to be a place of encouragement, not some crap-unloading junkyard. But as every artist knows, inspiration isn't easy to get. Where do I hunt?

Anyway.

Happy 52nd anniversary Malaysia! but as for me, my freedom came about 2009 years ago.. Praise GOD!

Just because you're unconventional

2009-08-20T00:23:00.008+08:00

Have you ever felt that making the right decision makes you look like the antagonist? The bad guy? Have you ever, even for a banana split second,prior to making a decision that might offend someone else, considered if that someone else(or more) will annoyed at you? But for the sake of just proving that some people just must have things their way, you decided to make that annoying decision anyway, regardless right or wrong.

It's your turn to sweep the floor!
Nevermind lah, I'll do it tomorrow.
NO! It's gotta be done today!

Why you cut the ginger like that wan?? Got put salt or not?
Dunnolah, I usually don't use salt for this dish.
Aiya, that one it's your home lah, now different lar..

"and the list goes on.."

I can imagine living under one roof with that special someone. If everything is going to be democratically run in a family (ie. how housemates govern the home) , imagine the amount of considerations going through your head in one go; having need to discuss every trivial detail. With so many other commitments, academic and social alike, how much more room can your head store? C'mon guys, chill, cut me some slack, be gracious, or whatever you call it in the 21st century. But things are not as simple. Just because you're unconventional. Poor Einstein =(

Ergh, humans. Life gets harder at 21, and as you grow older.

A strange thought just crossed my mind. Why am I posting this anyway? Who's gonna read this?
Ain't going to be me in the next one year, probably. goodnight!

Varsity Blues

2009-07-04T21:10:00.003+08:00

Here I come, UKM!
Here I come, Philo!
Here I come, PERKEB!
Here I come, FSCC!
Here I come, CHOIR ARTISUKMA
Here I come, Fakulti Kejuruteraan
Here I come, Juniors!

Just moved off campus to Philo. Staying off campus has it's pros and cons. But what I miss most is it's proximity. Transportation will be an issue now that I reside in Philo, 4.5km away from UKM. Life is at it's best. Life can only get better.

To think about it, I so often obtain such a biased image of life; a refraction of various occurrences.. So often hath circumstances in uni life, good and bad alike, shaped my perspective of campus life, and even life itself. This corrupted view of life is obtained by looking through the mortal, fallible lenses I have been looking through.

But just a glance at the greatness of God, through the lens of love and mercy just shatters those error-prone lenses. I need to turn my eyes upon Jesus this semester, and keep it there as long as I can with the Holy Spirit helping me.

As I walk through the path of life, viewing life via the kaleidoscope of God, a thick fog ahead makes no difference, for a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path is present. The darkness makes no difference, for the light of His love pierces through the darkest abysses.

And yet, it's always too easy just to say I want to walk through life this way.

So help me to keep my eyes upon You, LORD. I can't do it on my own. Let me be in the world but not of it. Help me to see things through Your eyes of love, Father, that are always upon me.
Semester 1, Year 2, Here I come!

Giving

2009-06-01T13:37:00.001+08:00

I have nothing to give, what is not already Yours.

Yesterday

2009-05-19T20:31:00.001+08:00

was yesterday.

Worship

2009-05-09T22:43:00.002+08:00

is giving Him glory when you don't feel like it

Marked by Majesty

2009-04-22T00:02:00.003+08:00

Oh well. He hasn't closed this particular chapter of my life yet... It will be nothing short of a beautiful chapter, resembling a timid caterpillar waiting to spread its soon to be mesmerizing wings.

GOD at every moment is writing a storybook called 'your life', which at the end of it all, will He say "I've created something amazing." We are the most amazing thing ever to have lived this planet, You and I. And it's all simply because He loves us.

Amaze me again LORD, I knew You always have.

Do not delay

2009-04-19T21:38:00.004+08:00

What do I do LORD?
It's going to have been a year now. I know Your timing is perfect but, things are worse off than they should be. Are they, really? Should they?
Was it because I was unappreciative of whatever friendship we had left?
What did I do wrong? I did something wrong by not doing anything at all?
What's she trying to do? What really, do I expect to see?
I really have no idea. I don't want to try figuring out the facts anymore, and it's not like I have figured any at all to begin with. It's just so frustrating.
How much more patient must I be? How long more is my breakthrough in this area going to be delayed? Whatever needs to be done about this friendship, let it be done quickly, LORD. Sometimes it feels like I don't know how much more I can last, although I know You'll always keep me going. Is it just my heart that's full of unrest? that's so full of selfish pity?

What do I do LORD?
The emotions that come with the songs of praise have run dry.
Those songs don't seem to get through and renew me.
Instead, my thoughts just run everywhere. My focus has deviated.
Every lyric recited, every word sung again means little now.
I've lost this to rely on for my source of strength.

What do I do LORD?
There is trouble on every side, countless things demand my time.
Work, play, sleep, all too essential. Too essential to the point where You are dispensible. I'm so sorry. Can my circumstances now change, so that these things be rendered unimportant compared to being close to You?

What do I do LORD?
I'm short of life's breath
I'm sick and tired
I'm frustrated and confused
I'm not even sure what I want
I'm so lost and out of orientation
I'm dry and unfruitful
I'm dormant in my own shell
I'm in pain, agonizing pain.

What do I do LORD?
I run in the direction where I last saw You.
But I can't find You.
I know where I can find You,
But I can't find You.
I don't know how else to find You,
so why don't You come and find me.
I'm here LORD, do not delay.
And I'm who I am before You, I'm nobody else.
Take my messy soul, corrupted character, disorderly lifestyle, and damaged heart,
rescue it, fix it, heal it, and then circumcise it once again. It's Yours.
I'm Yours.

Holy Spirit. Do not delay. I'm holding on, and You'll come on time to my rescue.

This is my surrender

2009-04-19T03:11:00.002+08:00

God, why LORD. Why, why, why. It did not turn out as I expected. Why, I thought it was over. After a long wait, is 'this' the progress that has been made? I know time heals things, but does time leave a scar too?

I want to see results. I want answers. I want this. I want that. I just am so confused LORD. I wish things could be the way it used to be before anything started out. But You didn't allow that wish to come to pass, or maybe not yet. I always want to control my surroundings, always wishing for it to go my way. And every time I control the situation, it spins out of control. How fallible are my plans! LORD, take control once again. I'll give everything back to You. Past present and future belong to You alone. I'm giving it all back to You.

You promise to do good to me,
You promise never to leave me,
You promise never to forsake me,

therefore in each of these promises I wait upon You, for You cannot go back on Your promises, for that will discredit You, that will question Your faithfulness. You are indeed punctual with all things. Forgive my unfaithfulness and distrust. Not a moment too early, not a moment too late is Your redemption. Just help me remember that with my heart, Holy Spirit. Praise You Jesus, Praise You.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of the earth
will grow strangely dim
in the light of His glory and grace

True and Apparent Loneliness

2009-04-16T08:34:00.005+08:00

Psalm 22:1
My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?

We here behold the Saviour in the depth of His sorrows. No other place so well shows the griefs of Christ as Calvary, and no other moment at Calvary is so full of agony as that in which His cry rends the air-"My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?" At this moment physical weakness was united with acute mental torture from the shame and ignominy through which He had to pass; and to make His grief culminate with emphasis, He suffered spiritual agony surpassing all expression, resulting from the departure of His Father's presence. This was the black midnight of His horror; then it was that He descended the abyss of suffering. No man can enter into the full meaning of these words. Some of us think at times that we could cry, "My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?" There are seasons when the brightness of our Father's smile is eclipsed by clouds and darkness; but let us remember that God never does really forsake us. It is only a seeming forsaking with us, but in Christ's case it was a real forsaking. We grieve at a little withdrawal of our Father's love; but the real turning away of God's face from His Son, who shall calculate how deep the agony which it caused Him? In our case, our cry is often dictated by unbelief: in His case, it was the utterance of a dreadful fact, for God had really turned away from Him for a season. O thou poor, distressed soul, who once lived in the sunshine of God's face, but art now in darkness, remember that He has not really forsaken thee. God in the clouds is as much our God as when He shines forth in all the lustre of His grace; but since even the thought that He has forsaken us gives us agony, what must the woe of the Saviour have been when He exclaimed, "My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?"

Charles Spurgeon

As I read this, apparent loneliness and the fear of being far away from God's presence all too quickly diminished; upon remembering the suffering of our dear Lord Jesus Christ on the wondrous cross which is a physical sign of the spiritual heritage we have in heaven. So often at times I felt hungry for His presence but felt as if I have not been filled. But this I know; in the midst of all the chaos, the confusion of not knowing His plans, and the loneliness which comes from a lack of my own faith, dims away and is replaced by the promise of God through Isaiah:

¹⁸ To whom then will you liken God?
Or what likeness will you compare to Him?
²⁷ Why do you say, O Jacob,
And speak, O Israel:
“My way is hidden from the LORD,
And my just claim is passed over by my God”?
²⁸ Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the LORD,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
²⁹ He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
³⁰ Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
³¹ But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:18,27-31

How we express humans mathematically

2009-04-07T16:51:00.004+08:00

Choices are merely variables in the same parenthesis , together defining a function called character. Parameterise those choices wisely!!

Note: people usually parameterise it with respect to time. So make the best use of your time!

ƒ(choice 1, choice 2) = (choice1)² ± (choice2) ± constant = character..

Please study chapter six(or was it four) of your pure math in the STPM syllabus (functions of a variable) first before trying to grasp the depth of the above statement. HAHA

Freedom is never free

2009-04-04T21:07:00.004+08:00

Luke 15: ¹⁷"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' ²⁰So he got up and went to his father.

That's it. I've had it. So sick of staying where I'm not supposed to be(I don't mean my house). I'm stagnant. Why do I allow myself to be bound by the things that You have already set me free from? I was bought for a 'no-such-thing-as-a-discount' price! It's time to shake off the things that shackle me. But how, GOD? I don't know what to do in the midst of all this confusion. My priorities are messed up. All I can ask is, 'Help GOD'..
And then you answer:

"You need to take action. Just wanting to remove the idols is not enough. I will give you the strength you need."

How true.

It's a time for idol burning..
a time for removing that which draws me away from God
a time for destroying that which makes me think higher of myself than I should
a time for destroying that which causes me to sin
a time for letting go
a time for restoration

What are my idols?
Computer gaming
Studies (rarely but still can be one at times)
Friendships (when I find my rest in friends instead of God)

Sorry LORD, for my rebellion, disobedience, idolatry and all the works. Where would I be without you. I have made no difference apart from You. All those have prevented from becoming who I should be. It's delayed the blessings of GOD long enough! Help me to destroy my idols and set me free from the chains I have bounded myself to once again, and by Your grace and the power of Your Holy Spirit alone will I be able to victorious. I believe in Your faithfulness. Amen

An Inspiration for my undergraduate thesis

2009-03-30T19:34:00.004+08:00

Inspired Thesis Topic
Monkey powered turbines. Monkeys eat mostly from the waste in UKM, hence it's kind of like a waste-to-energy process.. Instead of causing so much trouble they might as well be put to some good. Start training one monkey and things get easier from there.

Assumptions:
Monkey see, monkey do

Execution:

Monkey caught.
Monkey trained.
Monkey put through forced labor.
Monkey eats food from rubbish dump.
Monkey swings from turbine to turbine, in cycles(more monkeys generate more cycles)
Weight of monkey pulls the turbine blades downwards.
Inertia gets the next blade up to position.
Trainer gets out his cane to motivate the monkeys
Step 5 to 8 is repeated until the monkeys get tired and go to sleep
Turbine in rotation generates current by virtue of an AC/DC motor.
Rotary energy is converted to electricity. Power is distributed throughout UKM
Everyone is happy =) (except for our less evolved creatures)

Pros:
It's green energy! Well, more like brown.
It's free once you cover the initial cost
Higher 'security' in UKM.
It's fun to watch! Duh

Cons:
Getting the monkeys to work punctually.
Monkey rights activists protest against unethical treatment of monkeys.. Like c'mon, it's just a bunch of monkeys
Risk the monkeys going on an employee boycott/riot.. After all, monkey see monkey do!

More Than Knee Deep

2009-03-26T23:53:00.004+08:00

God, I'm far from Your presence. I'm more than knee deep in a whole load of trouble. The waters are rising. I'm in a lot of trouble and can't turn anywhere. It's just a whole load of responsibilities. As of now, I'm at wits end when it comes to prioritising these responsibilities. I want to hear Your voice; what You have to say about my life.What do You have to say, Holy Spirit? What do I need to set straight? Am I backsliding? Is this what it's like? I'm confused! Am I hearing it, yet turning a deaf ear towards it?

Are You calling out to me, yet I cannot hear because of sin in my life? I need to know Your will, for if I don't know Your will I cannot obey it. If I cannot obey, I sin. If I sin, I cannot hear. And the cycle goes on. I need your flood of grace, more than knee-depth.

What do I do? (at this point I don't know, really)

Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

(and then I hear from You. But I've 'forgotten' how to seek Your kingdom. GOD I'm so lost. I don't know what to ask for to get myself out of this hole. All I know is, Help Me LORD.)

Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

Fallen ON love..

2009-03-18T23:12:00.005+08:00

I fell on love... in this post's context, love is and only is the toilet floor.

WELL. I NEEDED A CATCHY BLOG TITLE TO GET READERS RIGHT. Hire me, all ye ad companies!

OKOK.. so the story is; Last Sunday, I woke up earlier than anticipated (my alarm was set to 6.30, but my mom got me up at 6.20) .. I hit the showers of course. I was back-up vocalist in FGA Serdang Community Center that morning, it was the opening day and also my first time back-up singing for a church... so it was rather unnerving..

- at this point you may or may not guess why I fell -

My alarm went off. So without my glasses on I went back to my room to turn it off in case my brother wakes up. UNPAID KINDNESS!
- at this point you may think I fell when I tried to get into my room. No. -

So anyway, I turned it off and came out at a rather moderate velocity. I fell. My chin knocked the edge of the floor tile, which was elevated above the toilet floor.. So embarassing. Good thing I wasn't at camp or UKM or something.

Wish I had a camera to take a photo of my first chin injury.
Nothing much apart from that really. Just:
Two bruises
Minor chest trauma resulting in cough
and probably a thousand other dead cells...

So I fallen on love.
haha.

Locations of Love

2009-03-10T00:38:00.006+08:00

I can say, it is well. Well with my soul that He has made all things beautiful. Well with my soul that all things are in His time. Well with my soul that His living word endures forever..

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not self-seeking. Love is GOD.

And I sometimes wonder, why do I struggle so hard to find love in all the wrong places, when I know I have the one true source?
Why do I settle for second best sometimes? (I'm not only talking about relationships; it applies to everyday decisions)

Why is it so hard to love (obey) Jesus?

9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.

at this point after posting, I find the title quite the acronym. LoL.

This is what the LORD says -

2009-03-08T21:00:00.001+08:00

Israel's King and Redeemer, the LORD almighty:

I am the first and I am the last;
apart from me there is no God.

Who then is like me? Let him proclaim it. Let him declare and lay out before me what has happened since I established my ancient people,
and what is yet to come--
yes, let him foretell what will come.

Amen! =)

What's enough for me?

2009-02-26T00:31:00.003+08:00

His Grace is enough for me. =)

Nothing seems to be enough, and only one thing fills; this one thing we can openly receive without a price, and yet we forget to welcome it into our lives.
Has His grace been a 'taken-for-granted' grace?
As for me, I pray not.

What's enough for ya?

Praise you, LORD because your grace is more than sufficient. for when I am weak, then I am strong. Your joy will be my strength.

Instantaneous

2009-02-24T17:08:00.001+08:00

Instantaneously, I'm at my faculty, having a thermodynamics class and blogging. this is going to be one long class =(

Firewood or Idol

2009-02-23T22:53:00.008+08:00

^{HAVE WE TAKEN THE BLESSINGS GOD HAS GIVEN US, AND MADE THEM OUR GODS INSTEAD.}

^{Reading this particular passage reminds me of how I've sometimes put both material and non material blessings in the place where God rightly is..}

^{Actually, well I was reading quite a bit on Isaiah where there's this portion that says our GOD is still a faithful GOD even after we've not made Him first. Not making him first is a sin, indeed. Isaiah goes on to carry God's message to correct Israel's folly and lack of fear, a very painful message.}

^{Sometimes I really have relied on my material blessings to carry me through a problem, instead of looking to God. And I think that goes for anything; friends instead of GOD, music instead of GOD.}

⁶ “ Thus says the LORD, the King of Israel,
And his Redeemer, the LORD of hosts:

‘ I am the First and I am the Last;
Besides Me there is no God.

⁷ And who can proclaim as I do?
Then let him declare it and set it in order for Me,
Since I appointed the ancient people.
And the things that are coming and shall come,
Let them show these to them.
⁸ Do not fear, nor be afraid;
Have I not told you from that time, and declared it?

⁹ Those who make an image, all of them are useless,
And their precious things shall not profit;
They are their own witnesses;
They neither see nor know, that they may be ashamed.
¹⁰ Who would form a god or mold an image
That profits him nothing?

¹³ The craftsman stretches out his rule,
He marks one out with chalk;
He fashions it with a plane,
He marks it out with the compass,
And makes it like the figure of a man,
According to the beauty of a man, that it may remain in the house.
¹⁴ He cuts down cedars for himself,
And takes the cypress and the oak;
He secures it for himself among the trees of the forest.
He plants a pine, and the rain nourishes it.
¹⁵ Then it shall be for a man to burn,
For he will take some of it and warm himself;
Yes, he kindles it and bakes bread;
Indeed he makes a god and worships it;
He makes it a carved image, and falls down to it.
¹⁶ He burns half of it in the fire;
With this half he eats meat;
He roasts a roast, and is satisfied.
He even warms himself and says,
“ Ah! I am warm,
I have seen the fire.”
¹⁷ And the rest of it he makes into a god,
His carved image.
He falls down before it and worships it,
Prays to it and says,
“ Deliver me, for you are my god!”
¹⁸ They do not know nor understand;
For He has shut their eyes, so that they cannot see,
And their hearts, so that they cannot understand.
¹⁹ And no one considers in his heart,
Nor is there knowledge nor understanding to say,
“ I have burned half of it in the fire,
Yes, I have also baked bread on its coals;
I have roasted meat and eaten it;
And shall I make the rest of it an abomination?
Shall I fall down before a block of wood?”

Isaiah 44

LORD, You called us to offer our bodies as living sacrifices, to give the best of our produce, yet I have not always brought you the best of everything in my life; my time, priority, studies..
I have often repayed your lovingkindess with sin nd rebellion pride.
Forgive me LORD, teach me and show me how to keep you first each moment.

You are GOD

2009-02-18T01:18:00.003+08:00

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

As surely as the sun will rise, You're there. You're watching. You're teaching me to be still in the storm, to know that You alone are God.

It's always easy to say that I'll trust and obey you in all circumstances, but it's a whole different level to actually do likewise.

LORD, I'm studying and studying, and my spirit is not calm. Help me, LORD. Save me from my own folly to think that I can excel in my studies with my own ability. If I am weak now, make me more weak, that your grace might be more than sufficient for me, and that I cannot boast of myself, but boast of Your greatness.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Just finished my thermodynamics paper, that I have been studying for. Theoretically, I have no reason to be worried about my studies except that I'm relying on my own strength. Perhaps it's time to let go. Always having difficulty letting go of my studies to God. Maybe I think I can do a better job. Let's hope not.

I told GOD just some 15 hours ago(earlier portion of this post) that I want to be made weaker. Indeed I was. I felt like a complete nut during the paper. But somehow, I managed to get most of the questions done.

LORD, all in all, this week is a hectic week, but nothing compared to the blood you were sweating when you were facing your hour of destiny. Help me to learn from you and to trust and obey the Father just as you have done. I praise You.

MK

2009-02-14T09:53:00.001+08:00

MK was a blast!
MK is just the beginning!
Let's go!

Choices

2009-02-12T09:18:00.002+08:00

It's what makes us who we are..

- Stephen Christian, Anberlin

Faithfulness

2009-02-11T18:33:00.002+08:00

I was just reading this particular psalm... so, well, share share time..

Psalm 78:37-39
(when the Israelites were in the wilderness, after witnessing God's miracles at the Red Sea and the miraculous splitting of the rocks and manna rain from heaven)

their hearts were not loyal to him,
they were not faithful to his covenant.
Yet he was merciful;
he forgave their iniquities(immorality) and did not destroy them.
Time after time he restrained his anger
and did not stir up his full wrath.
He remembered that they were but flesh,
a passing breeze that does not return.

I began to think of myself and the times I have not been faithful to a faithful God. And my heart has turned to make little idols for myself here and there whenever I disobey, whenever I choose to rely on my own ability than acknowledge His enabling power. whenever I become proud...
Yet he was merciful, indeed.. *phew*..

The final part of this passage, says that HE REMEMBERS how human we are, and how much we need His grace. It reflects us as mere breezes that does not return.. We don't remember a breeze right? Moving air? And still, we have our own way of blowing ourselves up, causing us to FORGET our GOD is all-powerful, not us..

How unfaithful we are..

LORD, thank you for your faithfulness that lasts throughout all generations, as said is in Your word. Show me how to be faithful. Remind me how infinitesimal I am, that I'm weak without You and strong with You. Praise Your name GOD, for You have stretched out the heavens and breathed out the stars, and yet still hold in the palm of Your hands.
[ Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name - Psalm 86:11, of David ]

Eternally temporary. Temporarily eternal.

2009-02-10T09:51:00.002+08:00

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain that which he cannot lose”

Jim Elliot

I was just thinking about how I'm supposed to get good grades and mark up my cgpa, with Malam Krismas drawing immensely close. So I wanted to open the textbooks to catch up when I felt drawn to perform my daily devotions. And I came upon these verses. Confirmation, I'd say.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."
Job 1:21

We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the LORD.
2 Corinthians 5:7-8

If you're going through any tough siuation, remember that we are to live our lives here as mere strangers in reverent fear of our LORD. Our lives here are temporary. =)

Pork Day 2009

2009-02-07T23:59:00.005+08:00

Jeng jeng jeng! Yesterday our first ever PERKEB Pork Day!
We bought two decks of cards,and managed to play warlords and scumbags with 7 players.
Shortly thereafter, we went to 'Planet Kopitiam' for the card game.. spent 2 1/2 hours playing just that. Whoa. Revolution!!

Thanks Amanda, for graciously paying for the drinks..

Below is the heirarchy of the current kingdom:-

Republic of PORK

La Présidente - David
Vice president - Davin
Secrétair - Amanda
Royal Priest - Wan Sian
Royal Chariotéer(More like royal trotter) - Rachel
Psallette & Orchestre (Pig Choir and Orchestra) - Juanita
Commandant nous sécurité(Chief of Security) - Charis

Vacancies:
Royal Jester
Royal Food Taster
Royal Princess
Heir to the Throne

Royal Assets:

Royal Scepter - BakKutTeh ladle

Royal Chalice - BakKutTeh bowl of stew
Royal Card Game - Warlords and Scumbags
Royal Sacrament - A piece of pork and its soup

Remarks
Come and join this powerful monarchy, in its valiant conquest to search for the best pork in Kajang and Bangi. It's still unofficial, however (AJK PERKEB needs to confer about the matter first) I've got no right to declare anything just yet. But when it is official.. *grin*

Will they agree? Will the AJK adhere to their dietary ideals, or will they succumb to the haunting hallways of their bellies? Find out more, in the next edition of: PORK DAY..

Viva la Pork!

Conversation

2009-02-05T23:41:00.005+08:00

David: It's been a while, LORD. What do I do next? Is it just my fleshly emotions toying around with me again? Is it time to move in?

GOD: Honor Me with the promise you'd made to Me and I will honor you in return.

David: *oh man tahan tahan* aiya why did I go make that promise. ok lor.

I promised GOD I'd commit the next 1 1/2 years to refrain from entering a relationship, to serve Him and wait for a sign at the end of it. Sometimes I wonder if I've made that commitment on a foolish premise. Either way, already promised, so no turning back.

Malam Muzikal Krismas 2009

2009-02-05T23:38:00.001+08:00

There's

2009-02-05T23:36:00.006+08:00

Hope

2009-02-05T23:36:00.004+08:00

in

2009-02-05T23:36:00.001+08:00

Love

2009-02-05T23:32:00.000+08:00

Typ-O-matic

2009-02-05T14:24:00.003+08:00

Got this off Jeen's blog.. anyone could try this..

89 words

Go take the speed typing test

63 perkataan

Speed test

and Malay is obviously harder :S

GOD is GREAT

2009-02-04T14:00:00.000+08:00

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,

How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

MK 2009

2009-01-31T21:13:00.000+08:00

I just cant wait!!! =)

John 15 - Study

2009-01-25T00:38:00.009+08:00

The True Vine

1 “I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.
5 “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. 7 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. 8 By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples. 9 “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. 10 If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. 11 “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. 12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. 17 These things I command you, that you love one another.

If we love God, we obey Him.
And we obey whom we fear. Perfect love casts out all fear(all kinds of fear except the fearing God) So.

If we fear man, we love ourselves(imperfect love), for we worry of what man thinks of us.
If we fear God, we love God(perfect agape love), for we worry if we are giving Him the respect He deserves.
If we love our lives, we will lose it.
If we hate it, we will save it.

Too many people want agape love but don't do anything to obtain it. Because they fear man's opinion rather than God Himself. However, let us Christians start loving God by obeying Him. We can't obey Him unless we fear Him, so let's start fearing Him. We can't fear Him when we treat as common the things God regards holy. So let's fear Him by living holy lives. This is done by obeying His voice when He calls for our obedience. Pray for opportunities to obey Him.

And let's remain faithful to God.
We can't remain faithful to God unless we lose our lives for Him, because once we lose our lives for Him, we live only to please Him. Wanting to lose our lives is not enough. We've got to actually lose it.Obedience ignites our love engine, but faithfulness is what keeps us going. Will we be good and faithful servants of the LORD?

Love, Godly fear, Obedience, and Faith are not mutually exclusive events.
They are intertwined to determine our relationship with God.
Time to give up loving myself.
Time to love God.
Time to love others.

To PERKEB

2009-01-23T00:55:00.001+08:00

To the people that have helped me be me again =)

2008 - 2009

2009-01-22T00:23:00.006+08:00

Honestly, at this point, I don't feel inspired to write anything.. All I can feel is the garlic cheese naan slowly dissipating within the abyss of my digestive system.. It's kind of late to begin blogging about entering into a new year. Anyway,I was at PERKEB meeting a few hours ago, and Ps Reuben was sharing about letting go of the past.

Letting go of the past huh.
Success and failure have one thing in common, they are events of the past. What's important is who I am now. If I were to die today, what would the world matter to me? Nothing, I guess, since I'd be in heaven.. I've been through my fair share of peaks and troughs (if you could imagine a sinusoidal transverse wave pattern in 2D).. The peaks and troughs have been of different magnitudes, different intensities, different frequencies..

Okay la layman terms: A rollercoaster ride.
I have changed a lot. My priorities have transformed, cultured some good habits and bad ones too.. Looking back on a whole year, I did not come up with a 'Things I want to achieve by the end of 2008' list.. However,

There are things I wish I did that I did not do,
There are things I did that I wish I did not do.

In retrospect of 2008, there is one fact that has been more real to me in 2008 than any year in my life, one fact that I don't have to wish for to be true, one fact that I am fully assured of;

That is His GOODNESS, His LOVE, His FAITHFULNESS.

For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100:5

What more could I ask for? I have JESUS =)

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 1 Peter 1:3-5

Efficiency vs waste

2009-01-17T23:29:00.003+08:00

Today was productive. Really enjoyed catching up with my mom, Dan, Shu Xian, Chee Liang, Kristy, Josh F, and Rebecca... Lets hope it'll be productive tomorrow. =)

17 Jan (today)
10.00am - breakfast with mom
11.00am - local youth prayer gathering, PPBC
4.00am - youth church
7.30pm - dinner with friends who returned from the land down under..
11.59pm - Z z Z catching

18 Jan (tomorrow)
6.30am - travel back to UKM =)
9.00am - choir annual dinner-venue hunting
1.00pm - lab prep reading, vector calculus work
6.30pm - choir night committee meeting
7.30pm - Malam Krismas meeting
11.59pm - mamak

19 Jan (monday)
8am - classes begin.. boohoo

Now that I've laid out my short term schedule, I had better stick to it. Yawn

Misi Orang Asli - Kg Serigala

2009-01-12T00:42:00.001+08:00

DAVID LEONG KIN MING
A123427
FKEJ / JKMB 1

Pengalaman di MOA.....
LOKASI: KG SERIGALA, TJG MALIM

MOA kali ini merupakan 'mission trip' saya yang pertama. Saya terhutang budi atas kemesraan orang asli di Kg Serigala. Mereka bukan sahaja sudi meluangkan masa dengan kami, malah memasak untuk kami pada suatu ketika. Walau bagaimanapun, saya paling bersyukur atas tanganNya di atas kehidupan mereka, walaupun mereka tidak diberkati dari segi kebendaan seperti kami di bandar, dan UKM. Saya pun terfikir kenapa saya selalu merungut dan rasa tidak puas hati walaupun Allah telah memberkati saya dari segi kebendaan... Tuhan pernah mengatakan kepada seorang pengkhutbah dalam satu 'DVD sermon' yang telah saya tontoni, "merungut umpama mengatakan kepada Tuhan: Tuhan saya lebih tahu apa yang penting dalam hidup saya berbanding dengan kamu, saya lebih memahami situasi saya berbanding kamu. Kamu seharusnya melakukan begini, begitu..." Saya sedar dan teringat akan diri sendiri yang sering merungut, biar di mulut mahupun di hati.

Genap satu bulan selepas MOA, saya tidak tahu jika cara hidup saya berubah baik. Sebenarnya, pilihan menyertai MOA untuk tujuan mengubah hidup sendiri amat baik, namun saya percaya bahawa perubahan tidak berlaku selepas satu malam.
Perubahan adalah hasil daripada pilihan manusia untuk mentaati dan mematuhi seruan Tuhan ataupun tidak, dalam jangka masa yang panjang. Walaubagaimanapun, persepsi saya terhadap golongan orang asli telah berubah sekaligus.

Pergilah ke MOA. Biar satu kali pun, untuk pengalamannya. Pergilah ke MOA lagi(jika anda pernah pergi), sebagai cara menyembah Tuhan, sebagai satu persembahan kepadaNya. Berikanlah masa, kewangan, dan daya usaha anda, dan sediakan diri anda untuk rencanaNya melalui MOA. Pemberian ini diumpamakan sebagai 'serpihan yang amat kecil' berbanding pemberian Tuhan melalui kematian Yesus demi kita. Dengan segala pemberian Allah atas kasih karuniaNya, kita sepatutnya berikan yang terbaik kepada Tuhan Bapa di syurga.

"....supaya kamu mempersembahkan tubuhmu sebagai persembahan yang hidup, yang kudus dan yang berkenan kepada Allah: itu adalah ibadahmu yang jati." - Roma 12:1

Sekiranya kita sentiasa sibuk dengan pekerjaan atau pelajaran dan tiada masa melayaniNya (misalnya MOA), saya percaya bahawa kita harus mempertimbangkan prioriti-prioriti diri. Mementingkan pelajaran bukanlah salah, namun lebih mementingkan pelajaran daripada Allah jelas salah. Ia dipanggil keberhalaan(idolatry).

Pendek kata, jika kamu tahu bahawa Roh Kudus inginkan kamu menyertai MOA, jangan teragak-agak lagi! (tapi pergilah dengan motif-motif yang betul)

Apa yang mampu kita berikan kepada Tuhan? Tiada apapun. Semua yang kita ada adalah hasil kasih karuniaNya. Puji Tuhan!

Dean's List, or God's?

2009-01-09T00:08:00.003+08:00

Although a harsh reality, most Christian students have to choose whose shortlist they wanna be on.

Complaints:
Dean's list
22 credit hours of lecture.
4 tutorials for all 4 subjects,
Laboratory sessions for 3 subjects,
and 2 projects.
Ethnic relations
Classical music.
Weekly choir practices... ahh!!!

God's list
MK'09 -> The Malam Muzikal Krismas production, which is only a month away.. Only yesterday, we changed our venue, creating a whole new list of pros and cons... A whole new proposal has to be sent, and major readjustments to be made, paperwork, discussions, etc. HOW LA HOW. Help, Holy Spirit. SO MUCH WORK TO BE DONE...
MYPG(should I involve myself in this work?)
PERKEB

LORD, help. What do I do? I need wisdom and lots more. We had a time of waiting upon the LORD at the prayer meeting outside the uni hall this afternoon.. Ben shared two verses with Jyan and I:

Matthew 6:31-33

So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

THEREFORE, our GOD is still GOD.
Of whom shall I fear?
God, or the Dean?

Malaysian Youth Prayer Gathering, Kuantan

2009-01-04T20:57:00.006+08:00

If you are looking for something inspiring, look for 200 young people from all corners of the peninsular just meeting up to pray.MYPG Kuantan was just awe-inspiring. It's so awe-inspiring that I'll just cut to the chase. We had prayer warriors from Alor Setar, Kulim, Kluang, Kuantan, and the KL-PJ area. Each city had their own Local Youth Prayer Gathering(LYPG). Now it's going inter-state. We're gearing for the next MYPG to be held in the KL-PJ region, aimed to unite young people just to meet and pray for our nation. Visions revealed, work is being done.

The goal of LYPG and MYPG??

100'000 Malaysian young people on fire for Jesus, united and engaged in prayer.

LYPG's and the MYPG are merely events that symbolise the revival to come. They both are part and parcel of the work our awesome God is doing for our nation's people. The whole highlight about MYPG Kuantan wasn't the different cities' representatives coming to pray together. We have that all the time. Rather, it is the fact that God is using prayer as the CATALYST FOR REVIVAL.

And my breakthrough came at a 6am prayer we had on that cold Saturday dawn, only after a mere 2 hrs of sleep. Some people came for the 6am prayer to prepare before the event began at 8am. There were reports of spiritual attacks on the organising committee. Spiritual oppression only proves that Satan is afraid. And he is doing everything in his power to prevent people praying. But God did not let that happen. NO He did not. We confessed our sins publicly at the 6am prayer gathering. and broke the power of sin over each person's life there that morning. Talk about chains loosened? That was chains broken

We had corporate repentance for the same sins later that morning, which were:
1. Sins of sexual immorality and lust
2. Pride
3. Rebellion.

As for me, I am a sinner in all those areas. And confession of sin holds great power.
So here goes,

Yes I watch pornography.
Yes I masturbate.
Yes I look at women lustfully.
Yes I act and think higher of myself than I should.
Yes I have a rebellious attitude.

Yes I am a weak person, and that's who I am. But also, I am His child, forgiven.
It was difficult to confess it back then, it's hard to confess it now. As I was confessing, I knew I would disappoint so many people. But I figured I'd rather disappoint people then disappoint God if I disobeyed His call to repentance and confession.

I shared this particular Bible verse at the 6am prayer session at MYPG:

1 John 1:8-10
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.

That word spoke so true for me, and for the rest there, at that time. As we repented, of sexual sin, of pride, and of rebellion, I just knew that His forgiveness just took the heavy yoke of sin off my shoulder, and replacing it with a robe of righteousness. That knowledge is a resounding of His word in Romans 6:18 -> You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

It's true joy to be a slave to righteousness. It does not just mean 'walking right with God'. It also means 'being bound and living with no choice other than to obey Him'. Of course, you can still disobey God, but it should be every Christian's goal to be bound to living righteous lives. Anyway, we all need to come humbly before Him, and repent, and give Him the glory He deserves. I've become so convicted about so many matters. Matters of giving Him the firstfruits of my time, sacrifice, and obedience. This particular sentence struck me as Pas Kenneth Chin was sharing:

Obedience is better than sacrifice. Sacrifice is giving God what I want to give. Obedience is giving God what He wants me to give. And most of the time I believe, He wants me to give up my pride so that I can willingly obey Him.

Yvonne went on stage to give this verse:

2 Chronicles 7:14
If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

LORD, thank you for planning out the event so I could be there. Thank You for the opportunity to repent. Enlighten my spiritual senses even more so that I may know You, and Your plans better. Help me to walk in obedience and faith as I live for Your glory and kingdom. Keep reminding me to repent at anytime I set an idol for myself, and at anytime I take the glory that You deserve. Everything belongs to You, and is for You. Not to me, but to Your name, be all glory.

A New < >

2009-01-01T17:15:00.005+08:00

Emotions: New year only mah.
Regrets: God was not first everyday of my life.
Resolutions achieved: I never made new year resolutions before.. resolutions come anytime in the year, as I feel like it.
Resolutions made: Stop computer games altogether.

Things I have not done since last year:

1. Piss.
2. Eaten Mamak food.
3. Made a phone call.
4. Sat on a bus
5. Have dinner

Aha. Well, with all the fruitless talk behind,

Looking on the past year, it's only natural to be thankful of what God has done for me.
But last year was last year. Last year will never be this year, and neither will this year be the one after. So what makes this new year so special?

Right now, from a narrow PointOfView, a 'year' merely represents 365 ¼ days, or 8766 hours.. a mere time frame, a chrono-jargon. So a new year somehow doesn't mean much to me.
I never really understood why people relish the thought of a new year.
Maybe it's a career bonus? Promotion? Who knows? Sure, it's another year closer to being deceased. Sure, it's yet another study semester that I have to face.

So, to me, what's so significant about this year?
Aiya, so pessimistic lar, but nothing's special about this year.

Hmm. Our LORD invented time itself, and since we live within the boundaries of time, we're so limited. We could always define a year as 300 days, or a minute as 25 seconds.Just like how the alphabet was created. 'A' could have been '♠'..

But I know there's something more special than just a new year.
I think the most special thing I will ever experience is His love. No time-frame is going to determine whether His love for us increases or decreases. A new year does not trigger whether or not his compassion for us have dropped one bit.

So maybe I won't celebrate a new year. I'll celebrate every new second. I'll celebrate every new minute, every new hour, every moment... every (insert time frame here). I won't celebrate a new year because it's a new year. I'll celebrate a new year because I'm celebrating His continuous, limitless love.

Why not celebrate God's love with unending praise unto Him?
Is it not so, that only unending praise will fit His unending love that we experience every (insert time frame here) .

Hebrews 13:8 - Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

When I was not faithful, you were faithful.
When my love for You has dulled, Your love for us has never changed.
Frail as I am, You never look down on me. Instead, You love me enough to know me so intimately, every sub-atomic particle.

So, therefore, let every sub-atomic particle within me celebrate His infinite, unending love for me!

Praise, people, PRAISE!

MALAYSIAN YOUTH PRAYER GATHERING

2008-12-30T23:52:00.001+08:00

8pm - Jan 2nd to 5pm - Jan 3rd

Seems that the leaders' retreat is within the same period. hmm..

BUT I CAN'T WAIT TO GO! =)

Three Amazing Songs

2008-12-27T16:34:00.002+08:00

Three songs have spoken to me the most for as long as I have been alive:

Jesus love me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong.

- I just realized the term 'little ones' might refer not to kids but to us humans, as minute as we are, we are weak but the infinite God is all-powerful.

I have decided to follow Jesus(x3)
no turning back, no turning back
No one go with me, still I will follow(x3)
no turning back, no turning back
The cross before me, the world behind me(x3)
no turning back, no turning back

- This song reminds me that I have no other option but to live for Jesus, for everything else does not seem to satisfy. Nothing in my past or future will make sense without Jesus in the picture.

What can wash away my sins
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
What can make me whole again
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
Oh precious is the flow, that makes us white as snow
No other fount I know,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus

- No human effort will be able to reconcile me with the Father, only the ultimate sacrifice will suffice for the ultimate sinner, me, by ultimate grace through faith. Indeed only Jesus saves.

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6

Wanting and Needing

2008-12-26T23:17:00.002+08:00

God, I wanted You.
But now, I need You.

Forgive me LORD, because I wanted You, and made You an option.
Help me LORD, to make you fundamental in my life, my only necessity.

Painkillers

2008-12-26T22:45:00.003+08:00

A painful past, and a present pain.
LORD. What shall I do with it? I want to move on.
How do I start anew, when I can't leave the past behind?

Some time ago, I bought some paracetamol(painkillers) and wrapped them as christmas presents for everyone.
As I know it, painkillers do nothing to remove the source of the pain, but does well to remove the sensation itself. Nonetheless, it offers relief somewhat.

I remember the time I had a faith-testing toothache during my first semester exam in my first year in UKM. And a very faith-testing toothache it was, when there's a limit to daily dosage ( 8 pills a day ).. And when the painkiller supply was depleted, I had to bear the pain until I visited the local orthodontist.

all I could do was pray..

Analogous to emotional pain, sometimes we take all kinds of 'painkillers'. Elements that seem capable of alleviating the pain. Comfort in friendship and relationships, keeping oneself busy, music, food, things that don't seem to satisfy. For a temporary duration these elements do seem to alleviate the pain.. But when it comes back again and we have exhausted all the 'painkillers', we become one who's at wits end, spirits end, emotions end.

and all we could do was pray.

As painkillers don't remove the cause of the pain,
earthly elements do not eliminate the cause of your emotional hurts.

All you can do is pray.

And in His grace, He WILL carry you through, and He's always on time to save the day. He never goes back on His promises. His will for you is perfectly planned and wonderfully crafted.
Trust in Him, for those that trust in Him are indeed like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken.

Phil 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

Mukjizat itu Nyata

2008-12-25T23:36:00.002+08:00

Tak terbatas kuasaMu Tuhan
Semua telah Kau lakukan
Apa yang kelihatan mustahil bagiku
Itu sangat mungkin bagiMu:
Di saat ku tak berdaya
KasihMu yang sempurna
Ketika aku percaya
Mukjizat itu nyata
Bukan kerna kekuatan
Tapi RohMu, ya Tuhan
Ketika aku percaya
Mukjizat itu nyata

Unbounded is Your power, Lord
All things You have accomplished
Those things which appear to be impossible to me
They are very possible for You
The very second i have no strength
It's your love that is perfect
The moment i believe
The miracle is real
Not by might, nor by power
but by Your Spirit, oh God
The moment i believe
The miracle is real

Note: God does not necessarily give you a miracle just because we 'believe'.. It also has to be in line with His divine, perfect will for your life. Of course, He will give you what you ask for if you keep insisting although it's not God's best for you, but He let's you have it because He is a God who created us with free will. But be careful what you ask for. =)

Joyeux Noel and a Happy 2009 to all of You.

Jesus loves you this season, and forevermore. Will we do the same for others?

Redirection

2008-12-10T23:01:00.003+08:00

Had my redirection day today. Or rather, redirection night.
It's been an eventful year, the year with the most ups and downs yet.
I decided and told God only 24 hours ago that I'd spend the entire day cleaning up my room, sorting out stuff, reviewing, and refocusing.

And I did not carry out my decision. I procrastinated and procrastinated and procrastinated and procrastinated....Until God decided to stop waiting for me to stop procrastinating, to step in and start redirecting my life for me.

Basically, this was what happened:
I procrastinated. Hunched in front of the PC all day, I couldn't care less about lifting a neuron. Yes, unhealthy. I admit, I am hooked to PC games. Idolatry, sigh. So I didn't properly fulfill the errands given to me by mom in the morning.. So I was told off (plus all the emotional turmoil, I'll spare the details) .. What happened next is pretty embarassing for me.
Anyway there are tears and snot all over my T-shirt now, so you can guess. I wanted to argue but I didn't have any voice left(sheesh).

So my life was in a mess, and now God has graciously brought it back on track.
I thank him for His forgiveness, so much. When I was getting scolded, I couldn't say I was sorry. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't utter 'sorry'... maybe I was afraid of what my mom would say after that, maybe I was afraid I wouldn't mean my sorry.. And then I came before Him, with my mess, confessing my messy life ever since I took control of it, and suddenly I realise the reason behind my inability to apologise.

It was because I hadn't said sorry to God before then. And I realise that I wasn't hurting my mom as much as I was hurting God, considering how many of my daily devotions I missed. I guess I was pretty much a spiritually backslidden Christian.

Thank You LORD, for Your faithfulness.
- when I was unfaithful -
Thank You LORD, for Your grace and mercy.
- when I was selfish -
Thank You LORD, for redirecting my life.
- when I mess up everytime -

I sang the following stanzas during the whole ordeal:

Amazing Grace how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me
I was once lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from the presence O Lord
And take not thy Holy Spirit from me
Restore unto me the joy of life's salvation
And renew a right spirit within me

We fall down we lay our crowns
at the feet of Jesus
The greatness of His mercy and love
at the feet of Jesus
We cry holy, holy, holy
is the Lamb

1 John 1:9 - Jika kita mengaku dosa kita, maka Ia adalah setia dan adil, sehingga Ia akan mengampuni segala dosa kita dan menyucikan dari segala kejahatan.

His promises are absolute.
His promises are kept.
His promises are always on time.

JanjiMu Seperti Fajar

ketika ku hadapi kehidupan ini
jalan mana yg harus kupilih
ku tahu ku tak mampu
ku tahu ku tak sanggup
hanya kau Tuhan tempat jawapanku

ku pun tahu ku tak pernah sendiri
selama engkau Allah yg menggendongku
tanganMu membelaiku
cintaMu memuaskanku
kau mengangkatku ke tempat yg tinggi

janjiMu seperti fajar pagi hari
dan tiada pernah terlambat bersinar
cintamu seperti sungai yg mengalir
dan ku tahu betapa dalam kasihMu

Aiyo...Aiyo...Aiyo...

This is worship.

Day 91: Just one day later

Day 91: Just one day later

Day 90

An impatient Patient

Day 48: Glorious

The gospel

Day 36

Day 12

Day 6: Not Everything is as it Seems

Day 4: I declare War

Day 2: the power of the promise

Day 1: Wait

Loneliness

Nevertheless

April

W3!rd

Traitor. Deceiver. Betrayer.

Abide in Me

Spirit descend.

An empty Vessel.

Mercy and Wrath

Rubber love

Talentine's Day

Ahh..

I want you

misunderstandable songs

Time Eternity

Blessed Assurance

The right way to start

Charitability

PAS (2)

PAS

Very

Love and be hated, or hate love Himself

me? worship leader?

**Poof**

Passions

Hypocritical Christians

Update

Denied. Foregone. Kept..

Grace is

The Cost

Worship

Faith

Superficial Layer Cake

Surety Himself

Deny God or Deny Me?

Alone

The LORD trieth the righteous

Waiting to be graceful

The Encouragement Blog

Just because you're unconventional

Varsity Blues

Giving

Yesterday

Worship

Marked by Majesty

Do not delay

This is my surrender

True and Apparent Loneliness

How we express humans mathematically

Freedom is never free

An Inspiration for my undergraduate thesis

More Than Knee Deep

Fallen ON love..

Locations of Love

This is what the LORD says -

What's enough for me?

Instantaneous

Firewood or Idol

You are GOD

MK

Choices

Faithfulness

Eternally temporary. Temporarily eternal.

Pork Day 2009

Conversation

Malam Muzikal Krismas 2009

Poof