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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Marked by Majesty

Oh well. He hasn't closed this particular chapter of my life yet... It will be nothing short of a beautiful chapter, resembling a timid caterpillar waiting to spread its soon to be mesmerizing wings.

GOD at every moment is writing a storybook called 'your life', which at the end of it all, will He say "I've created something amazing." We are the most amazing thing ever to have lived this planet, You and I. And it's all simply because He loves us.

Amaze me again LORD, I knew You always have.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Do not delay

What do I do LORD?
It's going to have been a year now. I know Your timing is perfect but, things are worse off than they should be. Are they, really? Should they?
Was it because I was unappreciative of whatever friendship we had left?
What did I do wrong? I did something wrong by not doing anything at all?
What's she trying to do? What really, do I expect to see?
I really have no idea. I don't want to try figuring out the facts anymore, and it's not like I have figured any at all to begin with. It's just so frustrating.
How much more patient must I be? How long more is my breakthrough in this area going to be delayed? Whatever needs to be done about this friendship, let it be done quickly, LORD. Sometimes it feels like I don't know how much more I can last, although I know You'll always keep me going. Is it just my heart that's full of unrest? that's so full of selfish pity?

What do I do LORD?
The emotions that come with the songs of praise have run dry.
Those songs don't seem to get through and renew me.
Instead, my thoughts just run everywhere. My focus has deviated.
Every lyric recited, every word sung again means little now.
I've lost this to rely on for my source of strength.

What do I do LORD?
There is trouble on every side, countless things demand my time.
Work, play, sleep, all too essential. Too essential to the point where You are dispensible. I'm so sorry. Can my circumstances now change, so that these things be rendered unimportant compared to being close to You?

What do I do LORD?
I'm short of life's breath
I'm sick and tired
I'm frustrated and confused
I'm not even sure what I want
I'm so lost and out of orientation
I'm dry and unfruitful
I'm dormant in my own shell
I'm in pain, agonizing pain.

What do I do LORD?
I run in the direction where I last saw You.
But I can't find You.
I know where I can find You,
But I can't find You.
I don't know how else to find You,
so why don't You come and find me.
I'm here LORD, do not delay.
And I'm who I am before You, I'm nobody else.
Take my messy soul, corrupted character, disorderly lifestyle, and damaged heart,
rescue it, fix it, heal it, and then circumcise it once again. It's Yours.
I'm Yours.

Holy Spirit. Do not delay. I'm holding on, and You'll come on time to my rescue.

This is my surrender

God, why LORD. Why, why, why. It did not turn out as I expected. Why, I thought it was over. After a long wait, is 'this' the progress that has been made? I know time heals things, but does time leave a scar too?

I want to see results. I want answers. I want this. I want that. I just am so confused LORD. I wish things could be the way it used to be before anything started out. But You didn't allow that wish to come to pass, or maybe not yet. I always want to control my surroundings, always wishing for it to go my way. And every time I control the situation, it spins out of control. How fallible are my plans! LORD, take control once again. I'll give everything back to You. Past present and future belong to You alone. I'm giving it all back to You.

You promise to do good to me,
You promise never to leave me,
You promise never to forsake me,

therefore in each of these promises I wait upon You, for You cannot go back on Your promises, for that will discredit You, that will question Your faithfulness. You are indeed punctual with all things. Forgive my unfaithfulness and distrust. Not a moment too early, not a moment too late is Your redemption. Just help me remember that with my heart, Holy Spirit. Praise You Jesus, Praise You.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of the earth
will grow strangely dim
in the light of His glory and grace

Thursday, April 16, 2009

True and Apparent Loneliness

Psalm 22:1
My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?

We here behold the Saviour in the depth of His sorrows. No other place so well shows the griefs of Christ as Calvary, and no other moment at Calvary is so full of agony as that in which His cry rends the air-"My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?" At this moment physical weakness was united with acute mental torture from the shame and ignominy through which He had to pass; and to make His grief culminate with emphasis, He suffered spiritual agony surpassing all expression, resulting from the departure of His Father's presence. This was the black midnight of His horror; then it was that He descended the abyss of suffering. No man can enter into the full meaning of these words. Some of us think at times that we could cry, "My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?" There are seasons when the brightness of our Father's smile is eclipsed by clouds and darkness; but let us remember that God never does really forsake us. It is only a seeming forsaking with us, but in Christ's case it was a real forsaking. We grieve at a little withdrawal of our Father's love; but the real turning away of God's face from His Son, who shall calculate how deep the agony which it caused Him? In our case, our cry is often dictated by unbelief: in His case, it was the utterance of a dreadful fact, for God had really turned away from Him for a season. O thou poor, distressed soul, who once lived in the sunshine of God's face, but art now in darkness, remember that He has not really forsaken thee. God in the clouds is as much our God as when He shines forth in all the lustre of His grace; but since even the thought that He has forsaken us gives us agony, what must the woe of the Saviour have been when He exclaimed, "My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?"

Charles Spurgeon

As I read this, apparent loneliness and the fear of being far away from God's presence all too quickly diminished; upon remembering the suffering of our dear Lord Jesus Christ on the wondrous cross which is a physical sign of the spiritual heritage we have in heaven. So often at times I felt hungry for His presence but felt as if I have not been filled. But this I know; in the midst of all the chaos, the confusion of not knowing His plans, and the loneliness which comes from a lack of my own faith, dims away and is replaced by the promise of God through Isaiah:

18 To whom then will you liken God?
Or what likeness will you compare to Him?
27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
And speak, O Israel:
“My way is hidden from the LORD,
And my just claim is passed over by my God”?
28 Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the LORD,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
31 But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:18,27-31

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

How we express humans mathematically

Align CenterChoices are merely variables in the same parenthesis , together defining a function called character. Parameterise those choices wisely!!

Note: people usually parameterise it with respect to time. So make the best use of your time!

ƒ(choice 1, choice 2) = (choice1)² ± (choice2) ± constant = character..

Please study chapter six(or was it four) of your pure math in the STPM syllabus (functions of a variable) first before trying to grasp the depth of the above statement. HAHA

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Freedom is never free

Luke 15: 17"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' 20So he got up and went to his father.

That's it. I've had it. So sick of staying where I'm not supposed to be(I don't mean my house). I'm stagnant. Why do I allow myself to be bound by the things that You have already set me free from? I was bought for a 'no-such-thing-as-a-discount' price! It's time to shake off the things that shackle me. But how, GOD? I don't know what to do in the midst of all this confusion. My priorities are messed up. All I can ask is, 'Help GOD'..
And then you answer:

"You need to take action. Just wanting to remove the idols is not enough. I will give you the strength you need."

How true.

It's a time for idol burning..
a time for removing that which draws me away from God
a time for destroying that which makes me think higher of myself than I should
a time for destroying that which causes me to sin
a time for letting go
a time for restoration

What are my idols?
Computer gaming
Studies (rarely but still can be one at times)
Friendships (when I find my rest in friends instead of God)

Sorry LORD, for my rebellion, disobedience, idolatry and all the works. Where would I be without you. I have made no difference apart from You. All those have prevented from becoming who I should be. It's delayed the blessings of GOD long enough! Help me to destroy my idols and set me free from the chains I have bounded myself to once again, and by Your grace and the power of Your Holy Spirit alone will I be able to victorious. I believe in Your faithfulness. Amen