Day 1: Wait

the first of many significant days. The first day of three months of waiting and seeking the Lord.
And day 1 is hardest day by far. Why does reading your word become so difficult. I can't seem to get anything in.. Music doesn't seem to work, though it usually does. All I have left is pure faith, and I realise I do not have enough. I remember I made a promise with You to go through your refining fire. And once this holy fire separates the pathetic, weak, impure faith, I believe it will yield so, so little. And yet, at least it's pure, LORD. This faith will be tested within this three months, just trusting in the one thing that you said on day zero: "Wait".

I used to think that word wasn't too difficult. Until today. The challenge is not as easy or simple, you know what I mean, Father, though I cannot share it out here. I get confused easily. My mind is torn. One corner of my mind says "maybe your heart is deceiving you. Maybe you should just let go of what's happening and move on. How do you know that this is not God". The other says: "Wait".. I DON'T KNOW!!! I DON'T KNOW!!! I DON'T KNOW!!! Help God. In this case, I'll just decide to wait. Since it is harder. Three months, LORD? I wish you could remove this cup of sorrow from me, but it seems I am going to drink it for quite some time.. Sigh.

Dear Father, I know not what to do. What is best? Am I deceiving myself? Let go or hold on to this current situation? I assume now, that if You do not respond, or if I do not hear, then I'll just wait. I pray only that I have made the right decision. Bless you, My Lord. Dear Jesus, you are my shepherd, and I shall not want. You are my daily bread, you are my everything, because I have nothing left. Help.