Day 91: Just one day later

Isaiah 45:19
I said not unto the seed of Jacob, Seek ye Me in vain.

We may gain much solace by considering what God has not said. What He has said is inexpressibly full of comfort and delight; what He has not said is scarcely less rich in consolation. It was one of these "said nots" which preserved the kingdom of Israel in the days of Jeroboam the son of Joash, for "the Lord said not that He would blot out the name of Israel from under heaven." 2 Kings 14:27. In our text we have an assurance that God will answer prayer, because He hath "not said unto the seed of Israel, Seek ye Me in vain." You who write bitter things against yourselves should remember that, let your doubts and fears say what they will, if God has not cut you off from mercy, there is no room for despair: even the voice of conscience is of little weight if it be not seconded by the voice of God. What God has said, tremble at! But suffer not your vain imaginings to overwhelm you with despondency and sinful despair. Many timid persons have been vexed by the suspicion that there may be something in God's decree which shuts them out from hope, but here is a complete refutation to that troublesome fear, for no true seeker can be decreed to wrath. "I have not spoken in secret, in a dark place of the earth; I have not said," even in the secret of my unsearchable decree, "Seek ye Me in vain." God has clearly revealed that He will hear the prayer of those who call upon Him, and that declaration cannot be contravened. He has so firmly, so truthfully, so righteously spoken, that there can be no room for doubt. He does not reveal His mind in unintelligible words, but He speaks plainly and positively, "Ask, and ye shall receive." Believe, O trembler, this sure truth-that prayer must and shall be heard, and that never, even in the secrets of eternity, has the Lord said unto any living soul, "Seek ye Me in vain."

-Charles Spurgeon

You are indeed faithful!

Day 91: Just one day later

Isaiah 45:19
I said not unto the seed of Jacob, Seek ye Me in vain.

We may gain much solace by considering what God has not said. What He has said is inexpressibly full of comfort and delight; what He has not said is scarcely less rich in consolation. It was one of these "said nots" which preserved the kingdom of Israel in the days of Jeroboam the son of Joash, for "the Lord said not that He would blot out the name of Israel from under heaven." 2 Kings 14:27. In our text we have an assurance that God will answer prayer, because He hath "not said unto the seed of Israel, Seek ye Me in vain." You who write bitter things against yourselves should remember that, let your doubts and fears say what they will, if God has not cut you off from mercy, there is no room for despair: even the voice of conscience is of little weight if it be not seconded by the voice of God. What God has said, tremble at! But suffer not your vain imaginings to overwhelm you with despondency and sinful despair. Many timid persons have been vexed by the suspicion that there may be something in God's decree which shuts them out from hope, but here is a complete refutation to that troublesome fear, for no true seeker can be decreed to wrath. "I have not spoken in secret, in a dark place of the earth; I have not said," even in the secret of my unsearchable decree, "Seek ye Me in vain." God has clearly revealed that He will hear the prayer of those who call upon Him, and that declaration cannot be contravened. He has so firmly, so truthfully, so righteously spoken, that there can be no room for doubt. He does not reveal His mind in unintelligible words, but He speaks plainly and positively, "Ask, and ye shall receive." Believe, O trembler, this sure truth-that prayer must and shall be heard, and that never, even in the secrets of eternity, has the Lord said unto any living soul, "Seek ye Me in vain."

-Charles Spurgeon

You are indeed faithful!

Day 90

was 35 days ago. And 77 since the last related post. Yet, it seems that my expectations of a 'cure' for this 'disease' were not as I 'wanted' them to be. Ah, the ironies of living life. Not having what you want. In want of what you don't. And it's amazing how You work it all out for my good, invisible as it is to me.

Looking back, I remember my fragility, my volatility. And after 90 days, it's as if, nothing has changed. Has it? 125 days now, I feel worse off in that I'm still the same old me. There's something wrong here, David. If you intend to change the world, how can you stay the same old side of you that's not right?

Father, I expected some kind of impact-miracle, or at least a visible mark which I can be proud of. Yet nothing has come. Why? On the outside, things seem alright. On the inside it's not. And I'm putting it off when I should be working on it. Am I too busy to set myself straight with You? Am I spending so much time cleaning my outside and leaving the internals stained and smelled?

Have I wasted these 125 days on myself that I have forgotten about You? I'm far from You, my Father. I need you more than ever, yet I don't have the will to push myself to draw close. Why this silence? I'm waiting for this deliverance. I'm waiting for this wind to reverse itself. I'm blind to it, I can't sense it, feel it, nothing. but I need it. I need to know it's there. At least I think so. But God, what is best for Your fame, and our closeness, let it be so.. And give me strength to play the part You have given to me. I know You'll always keep Your promises, for You can't ever not keep them. I on the other hand, am fragile and weak. See Your servant, he has but little talent, and naught but skill-less, but what little I have left, I want to give it to You. Much have I wasted on godlessness, but yet You love me and are graceful to me. How could I fathom this?

Much grace for much sin, and much more I love You, and give myself for You as I wait for the day which faith shall no longer be invisible, but I shall see You with clarity and behold Your awesomeness and run into Your faithful arms.

An impatient Patient

I'm an impatient patient. Sick and in pain, but I cant wait for healing to take it's time. Selfishly, I've looked to my own comfort all this time. Everything I have done has been for me. In this pain, I have only crafted for myself a shell called self-pity, and that the world should be fairer. But there is no unfair and unjust world from a just God. Instead of looking at me like I'm the center of my own sphere, I need to push through. Yes, I must move on and push on. Circumstances array themselves like walls, walls that seem to get bigger, but pride, it is pride that has made me smaller. So flush away my pride, and replace it with trust, Lord, to believe that You are mighty to save. I don't see things the way You do, but You already promised that it'd be for my good. And I know a good God doesn't make bad promises. I don't see the picture album of life,

*but life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time, but you'll see the bigger picture!
once you feel the weight of glory
all your pain will fade to memory
press on and fight the good fight
'cause the pain that you've been feeling
is just the hurt before the healing
is just the dawn before the morning*

*words and music by Josh Wilson.


I look through a tube, but you view through the kaleidoscope of life.
I merely tasted pain, but you have are a man acquainted with grief and sorrow
I feel high and mighty, but you command legions of angels.
I feel ashamed and insecure, but you took the scorn when you didn't deserve it
I read and discern in years, but you understand the universes like it's an egg.

Wake up, wake up, O sleeper, and see that God is sovereign. Wait.