Day 12

Psalm 149:4
The Lord taketh pleasure in His people.

How comprehensive is the love of Jesus! There is no part of His people's interests which He does not consider, and there is nothing which concerns their welfare which is not important to Him. Not merely does He think of you, believer, as an immortal being, but as a mortal being too. Do not deny it or doubt it: "The very hairs of your head are all numbered." "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in His way." It were a sad thing for us if this mantle of love did not cover all our concerns, for what mischief might be wrought to us in that part of our business which did not come under our gracious Lord's inspection! Believer, rest assured that the heart of Jesus cares about your meaner affairs. The breadth of His tender love is such that you may resort to Him in all matters; for in all your afflictions He is afflicted, and like as a father pitieth his children, so doth He pity you. The meanest interests of all His saints are all borne upon the broad bosom of the Son of God. Oh, what a heart is His, that doth not merely comprehend the persons of His people, but comprehends also the diverse and innumerable concerns of all those persons! Dost thou think, O Christian, that thou canst measure the love of Christ? Think of what His love has brought thee-justification, adoption, sanctification, eternal life! The riches of His goodness are unsearchable; thou shalt never be able to tell them out or even conceive them. Oh, the breadth of the love of Christ! Shall such a love as this have half our hearts? Shall it have a cold love in return? Shall Jesus' marvellous lovingkindness and tender care meet with but faint response and tardy acknowledgment? O my soul, tune thy harp to a glad song of thanksgiving! Go to thy rest rejoicing, for thou art no desolate wanderer, but a beloved child, watched over, cared for, supplied, and defended by thy Lord.

Day 6: Not Everything is as it Seems

One would define his own life by the choices he has made, or more precisely, how the choices affected him and the people around him. As everyone else, I have made many wrong choices in life, but, I define it as a wrong choice. Not everybody does. Hence, not everything is as it seems.

Even before making any decision, one would make assumptions, hypothesize certain things, laying out different courses of action that are considered beneficial to oneself. Yet, he cannot define the true outcome or circumstance of any action. He can only anticipate it. He cannot guarantee it. That is the future. Future is uncertainty. Future is fear inducing. The future must be controlled to the highest degree possible by that man, or he will consider himself insecure. I have learnt very recently that the future is not what it seems. Even the present.

I am in a dilemma, in which I have to decide between two things, whereby both decisions have one common, primary goal, that is to benefit a certain someone the most. Yet, I know not the most correct, beneficial, worthwhile decision to make. And when I am in this dilemma, I am biased to a decision because I know that I will benefit as well, from that particular decision. A secondary goal, that is.

After gathering sufficient intelligence, data, information, one would conclude the safest decision, from a viewpoint called viewpoint A. However, not everything is as it seems. From viewpoint B, that intelligence, data, and information may or may not be wrongly interpreted.

When applied in my case, my intuition may well be a misconception, or it may not. Anyway, after logically explaining everything to myself, I comfort myself by deciding on a particular course of action, action A. Suddenly, new intel comes by, I reverse my course of action. And I redefine everything, and make a new decision, course of action B. Yet again, more data comes by, and turns everything I've worked for upside down, and makes me turn it all back up, rearrange everything, and decide on a new course of action, action C. And the cycle continues for many, many, many, excruciating hours, and how many more hours must I endure? Three months.

Why must I think so much? I do not know. Is this very important to me. An absolute yes.

God, help me. I need it.

Day 4: I declare War

^{1 Samuel 17:18}
Fight the Lord's battles.

^{Ephesians 6:10-18
10}Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. ¹²For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ¹⁸And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Every morning I wake up and pray that I pick up my cross, and yet, I fight my own battles, I fight battles alone. I forget to fight the Lord's battles. Battles that are bigger than mine, battles that He will surely win. Exams? Careers? Relationships? I seem to miss out on God's battle plan. While the rest of the saints are out there risking their lives for God in combat, I'm lazing around in the campsite..

Sigh, how much time have I wasted my life worrying about my businesses. Jesus always goes about His Father's business. So I must go about Abba's business too. Today God reminded me of His battles, against the evil one. So today I have decided to remember the Lord's battles everyday. I choose to forget my trivial, petty arguments.

So to go to battle, I need your armor, o Lord. Help me to put on the equipment, and ready myself to the battle stations. Show me to my position. Am I a frontline warrior? Am I a paramedic? Am I the support beams? Strengthen my feeble knees, afraid and weak I am. Help me Lord, to fight your battles and at the same time deal with my fleshly needs and lusts. I know that my battle gear comes with the shield of faith! You are ever in the midst of the fight, and therefore the battle is not doubtful. As the conflict rages, it is sweet satisfaction to know that You, our great Intercessor, Commander of our army, are prevalently pleading for your people. This lifetime, help me to fight your battles, your way, and by Your grace I will succeed.

Let us as saints, fight as if it all depended upon us, but let us look up and know that all depends upon Him. Onward! For the fight is not ours, but the Lord's.

Day 2: the power of the promise

How timely. A close friend of mine is now experiencing a somewhat similar situation.. Two days have passed, none of which have been easy. Each day has been filled with sorrow and unrest, but yet an inner peace which comes with spending daily time with you.. hearing from you and learning from you and about you.. it's true; that when I feel alone and have lost all hope, I begin to know instinctively that I am not truly alone and I have a hope which is founded upon your character called faithfulness.

And there is one greater still; a hope that comes from your spoken word, a promise... I have Your divine promise, so I can urge it with all certainty for You are true to your word. When you give a promissory note, your honour is engaged; you sign your hand, and you must discharge it when the due time comes, or else you lose credit. It has never been said of You throughout the Bible that you dishonour your bills. Your credit has never been impeached, and never shall be. You are punctual to the moment. You are never before Your time, but You are never behind it.

Genesis 32:12
And thou saidst, I will surely do thee good.

Day 1: Wait

the first of many significant days. The first day of three months of waiting and seeking the Lord.
And day 1 is hardest day by far. Why does reading your word become so difficult. I can't seem to get anything in.. Music doesn't seem to work, though it usually does. All I have left is pure faith, and I realise I do not have enough. I remember I made a promise with You to go through your refining fire. And once this holy fire separates the pathetic, weak, impure faith, I believe it will yield so, so little. And yet, at least it's pure, LORD. This faith will be tested within this three months, just trusting in the one thing that you said on day zero: "Wait".

I used to think that word wasn't too difficult. Until today. The challenge is not as easy or simple, you know what I mean, Father, though I cannot share it out here. I get confused easily. My mind is torn. One corner of my mind says "maybe your heart is deceiving you. Maybe you should just let go of what's happening and move on. How do you know that this is not God". The other says: "Wait".. I DON'T KNOW!!! I DON'T KNOW!!! I DON'T KNOW!!! Help God. In this case, I'll just decide to wait. Since it is harder. Three months, LORD? I wish you could remove this cup of sorrow from me, but it seems I am going to drink it for quite some time.. Sigh.

Dear Father, I know not what to do. What is best? Am I deceiving myself? Let go or hold on to this current situation? I assume now, that if You do not respond, or if I do not hear, then I'll just wait. I pray only that I have made the right decision. Bless you, My Lord. Dear Jesus, you are my shepherd, and I shall not want. You are my daily bread, you are my everything, because I have nothing left. Help.

Loneliness

would only serve to strengthen the fact that I am never truly alone.

Nevertheless

Not my will but Yours be done.

April

The month of April, which is derived from the Latin word aperio signifies to open, because the buds and blossoms are now opening, and we have arrived at the gates of the flowery year.. springtime..
It is also the same week when our beloved Saviour was crucified. The most beautiful of all flowers, the perfect Rose of Sharon outshines and outgives; from the crimson leaves of sorrow, his blood and love flow mingled down, so that us the wildflowers surrounding Him may enjoy this supernatural grace..

May us, as flowers too, allow our hearts to bud and blossom in accordance with all of nature, so that together we may give acclaim to He who is the perfect rose! It is always time to seek the Lord, let us not wait another spring season, for then the days of our youth will soon turn grey. Let us not delay, hasten, hurry, be anxious to seek Him. Bless You Lord.

"It is time to seek Him." - Hosea 10:12