This is worship.

Two nights ago.

the 20th hour, the night my final exams were completed, the ICC worship team and I were preparing for service the next morning..

We practiced two songs, trying to up our co-ordination and team-playing levels.. Trading my Sorrows and You are Good, with all the jings and jangs and flowers.. That was the plan at first, until physical fatigue set in for me, and it became a battle in my mind and a battle in my body..


The latter was wrought with wars of attrition.. The former being an argument; was it merely a performance, practicing like this for tomorrow's stage show? Am I doing a show? What if I just scrap all the ideas I suggested, and go the way it's always been practiced, straight and simple? Was two hours of training enough to carry the song the next day? By scrapping the ideas, is it giving up and being lazy?

Not surprisingly, at wits end I was.. And then I got some ideas to finally wrap up the two songs, and spent just 10 minutes on one more.. But yet it didn't quite seem right. I said to God, "I really really need your help".. Went to bed that night just wondering what needs to be corrected.


Sunday morning

8am. Set my alarm for 7, wanting to pray, but as usual, the flesh is weak.. or was it God's decision to send me back to sleep? Woke up at 7.55, and I was nervous! What do I do, I can't go on stage like this! I could only limp over to my laptop; and started preparing. The verse of the day was:

Song of Solomon 8:13
Thou that dwellest in the gardens, the companions hearken to Thy voice: cause me to hear it.

The deeper idea spoke of the putting of off our flesh to hear God's voice.. Wanting to hear His voice was one thing, actually hearing it is blissfully different. I desired to actually hear it at that moment and through the whole Sunday, but as was said, actually hearing it is different. I asked my Father that morning if He would humble me just so I can hear His voice, just so I can lead worship sincerely and to usher in the Holy Spirit who inhibits the praises of His people.. I was still at the deep end of no-wits-land.

10.15am. Singing those two songs felt fake indeed. It did. In my heart was, Lord how do I save this worship service.. See how much pride I had? as if it all rested on my hands. And He did the unthinkable. After the prophecy, we went into the song 'The Heart of Worship' (which was also intended for that Sunday morning, but I don't know why I chose that). It was incredible. Wow. Wow. Wow. For the first time I could actually cry my way through the song, as the congregation began to sing 'all is stripped away' 'longing just to bring something that's of worth'. Was I bringing anything meaningful and worthy enough to be sacrificed at the altar that morning? Was I just bringing a circus parade of musical talent, or a broken and contrite spirit?

Just before starting the song, the prophecy over the church was re-played on Audio, and I took the opportunity to nervously share what was just interfering with my battered intellect throughout the re-play:

When we worship our God, we come to church on Sunday morning, and yet put on a performance the whole other 6 days. It's not like we don't struggle to worship God in truth, with our lifestyles, but everyone is guilty of putting on a show. We come to God on Sundays singing songs with words but not with total hearts, because some of that heart has been spent putting on facade after facade; how we in our own little worlds have made worship to look the way we want it to look: All about us.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship, when it's all about You, it's all about You, Jesus.

On Sunday, we are face down.
From Monday to Saturday, we are face up, our sin puffing us up in our own estimation. We have money in our pockets, shoes on our feet. We have friends, and a career. We have what we call, a future. We have all this, and all that, and yet we can do things like turn off the news when we don't like what we see. We avoid people who don't have money in their pockets, with bare feet, no family, no career, no future. Yea it's easy to do life when the music of everything is playing our lives into tempo.

And when the music does fade, what do we have to hide behind? No mask, no jewelery, just a layer of, nothing. And we have but no choice, other than to come to Our Maker, saying, I am not worthy, make me like one of your servants. And Dad, in His great mercy, takes us not on a guilt trip but a journey of grace. This is the journey He took me on. This is true worship.

Day 91: Just one day later

Isaiah 45:19
I said not unto the seed of Jacob, Seek ye Me in vain.

We may gain much solace by considering what God has not said. What He has said is inexpressibly full of comfort and delight; what He has not said is scarcely less rich in consolation. It was one of these "said nots" which preserved the kingdom of Israel in the days of Jeroboam the son of Joash, for "the Lord said not that He would blot out the name of Israel from under heaven." 2 Kings 14:27. In our text we have an assurance that God will answer prayer, because He hath "not said unto the seed of Israel, Seek ye Me in vain." You who write bitter things against yourselves should remember that, let your doubts and fears say what they will, if God has not cut you off from mercy, there is no room for despair: even the voice of conscience is of little weight if it be not seconded by the voice of God. What God has said, tremble at! But suffer not your vain imaginings to overwhelm you with despondency and sinful despair. Many timid persons have been vexed by the suspicion that there may be something in God's decree which shuts them out from hope, but here is a complete refutation to that troublesome fear, for no true seeker can be decreed to wrath. "I have not spoken in secret, in a dark place of the earth; I have not said," even in the secret of my unsearchable decree, "Seek ye Me in vain." God has clearly revealed that He will hear the prayer of those who call upon Him, and that declaration cannot be contravened. He has so firmly, so truthfully, so righteously spoken, that there can be no room for doubt. He does not reveal His mind in unintelligible words, but He speaks plainly and positively, "Ask, and ye shall receive." Believe, O trembler, this sure truth-that prayer must and shall be heard, and that never, even in the secrets of eternity, has the Lord said unto any living soul, "Seek ye Me in vain."

-Charles Spurgeon

You are indeed faithful!

Day 91: Just one day later

Isaiah 45:19
I said not unto the seed of Jacob, Seek ye Me in vain.

We may gain much solace by considering what God has not said. What He has said is inexpressibly full of comfort and delight; what He has not said is scarcely less rich in consolation. It was one of these "said nots" which preserved the kingdom of Israel in the days of Jeroboam the son of Joash, for "the Lord said not that He would blot out the name of Israel from under heaven." 2 Kings 14:27. In our text we have an assurance that God will answer prayer, because He hath "not said unto the seed of Israel, Seek ye Me in vain." You who write bitter things against yourselves should remember that, let your doubts and fears say what they will, if God has not cut you off from mercy, there is no room for despair: even the voice of conscience is of little weight if it be not seconded by the voice of God. What God has said, tremble at! But suffer not your vain imaginings to overwhelm you with despondency and sinful despair. Many timid persons have been vexed by the suspicion that there may be something in God's decree which shuts them out from hope, but here is a complete refutation to that troublesome fear, for no true seeker can be decreed to wrath. "I have not spoken in secret, in a dark place of the earth; I have not said," even in the secret of my unsearchable decree, "Seek ye Me in vain." God has clearly revealed that He will hear the prayer of those who call upon Him, and that declaration cannot be contravened. He has so firmly, so truthfully, so righteously spoken, that there can be no room for doubt. He does not reveal His mind in unintelligible words, but He speaks plainly and positively, "Ask, and ye shall receive." Believe, O trembler, this sure truth-that prayer must and shall be heard, and that never, even in the secrets of eternity, has the Lord said unto any living soul, "Seek ye Me in vain."

-Charles Spurgeon

You are indeed faithful!

Day 90

was 35 days ago. And 77 since the last related post. Yet, it seems that my expectations of a 'cure' for this 'disease' were not as I 'wanted' them to be. Ah, the ironies of living life. Not having what you want. In want of what you don't. And it's amazing how You work it all out for my good, invisible as it is to me.

Looking back, I remember my fragility, my volatility. And after 90 days, it's as if, nothing has changed. Has it? 125 days now, I feel worse off in that I'm still the same old me. There's something wrong here, David. If you intend to change the world, how can you stay the same old side of you that's not right?

Father, I expected some kind of impact-miracle, or at least a visible mark which I can be proud of. Yet nothing has come. Why? On the outside, things seem alright. On the inside it's not. And I'm putting it off when I should be working on it. Am I too busy to set myself straight with You? Am I spending so much time cleaning my outside and leaving the internals stained and smelled?

Have I wasted these 125 days on myself that I have forgotten about You? I'm far from You, my Father. I need you more than ever, yet I don't have the will to push myself to draw close. Why this silence? I'm waiting for this deliverance. I'm waiting for this wind to reverse itself. I'm blind to it, I can't sense it, feel it, nothing. but I need it. I need to know it's there. At least I think so. But God, what is best for Your fame, and our closeness, let it be so.. And give me strength to play the part You have given to me. I know You'll always keep Your promises, for You can't ever not keep them. I on the other hand, am fragile and weak. See Your servant, he has but little talent, and naught but skill-less, but what little I have left, I want to give it to You. Much have I wasted on godlessness, but yet You love me and are graceful to me. How could I fathom this?

Much grace for much sin, and much more I love You, and give myself for You as I wait for the day which faith shall no longer be invisible, but I shall see You with clarity and behold Your awesomeness and run into Your faithful arms.

An impatient Patient

I'm an impatient patient. Sick and in pain, but I cant wait for healing to take it's time. Selfishly, I've looked to my own comfort all this time. Everything I have done has been for me. In this pain, I have only crafted for myself a shell called self-pity, and that the world should be fairer. But there is no unfair and unjust world from a just God. Instead of looking at me like I'm the center of my own sphere, I need to push through. Yes, I must move on and push on. Circumstances array themselves like walls, walls that seem to get bigger, but pride, it is pride that has made me smaller. So flush away my pride, and replace it with trust, Lord, to believe that You are mighty to save. I don't see things the way You do, but You already promised that it'd be for my good. And I know a good God doesn't make bad promises. I don't see the picture album of life,

*but life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time, but you'll see the bigger picture!
once you feel the weight of glory
all your pain will fade to memory
press on and fight the good fight
'cause the pain that you've been feeling
is just the hurt before the healing
is just the dawn before the morning*

*words and music by Josh Wilson.


I look through a tube, but you view through the kaleidoscope of life.
I merely tasted pain, but you have are a man acquainted with grief and sorrow
I feel high and mighty, but you command legions of angels.
I feel ashamed and insecure, but you took the scorn when you didn't deserve it
I read and discern in years, but you understand the universes like it's an egg.

Wake up, wake up, O sleeper, and see that God is sovereign. Wait.

Day 48: Glorious

Today, He has assured me a space reserved for me in heaven, in the royal orchestra in the courts of the King of all kings, who is also my ever close companion. I belong in the category of 'uncategorized worshippers', being exactly just who He made to me be, in His presence giving a totally unique form of praise, right beside all the other uncategorized worshippers, giving glory to Him in their own way. To dance and sing with this orchestra, alongside the simultaneous choir of angels and orchestra of all creation, both big and small, to displace glory to Him who deserves it in the very perfect nature that God will help me to obtain, is nothing short of what I now want.

It is a great honour and no mean feat playing beside a person of glory, the glory of an overcomer. But our King, who we play for, wears the glory of an Overcomer who vanquished all his foes, a Prince who still is undefeated to this day, an Intercessor who never has failed, and the glory of one who underwent great grief and sorrow and came out of it victorious. How much more infinite is this honour! How exceeding, this joy of playing in the courts of the King who owns the oldest kingdom, the largest kingdom, the most powerful kingdom, the kingdom of love, the kingdom which endures forever! Time is short. Eternity is long. I have decided to make every effort to worship like I'm in heaven. Not only in mere time. But in all eternity.

If you would delight in His glory hereafter, He must be glorious in your sight now. Is He so?

The gospel

is bold and fearless - we have to proclaim it whether men like it or not..
is gentle - some professors are sharper than thorn-hedges.. don't be like them.
is loving - "Love one another"
is holy - shun not only the grosser vices, but everything which hinders perfect conformity to Christ

Day 36

Love so rich, You understand
My poor spirit cant comprehend
Price so great I cant repay
Treasure that does not fade away

Love unrivalled, love so strong
To this delight I bring this song
Heav'n may perish, Earth will end
But thy great love shall always stand.

I am Yours, not half my heart,
A tribute to you, my every part,
I am forever Yours.
Because of your love
Because of your love

Day 12

Psalm 149:4
The Lord taketh pleasure in His people.

How comprehensive is the love of Jesus! There is no part of His people's interests which He does not consider, and there is nothing which concerns their welfare which is not important to Him. Not merely does He think of you, believer, as an immortal being, but as a mortal being too. Do not deny it or doubt it: "The very hairs of your head are all numbered." "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in His way." It were a sad thing for us if this mantle of love did not cover all our concerns, for what mischief might be wrought to us in that part of our business which did not come under our gracious Lord's inspection! Believer, rest assured that the heart of Jesus cares about your meaner affairs. The breadth of His tender love is such that you may resort to Him in all matters; for in all your afflictions He is afflicted, and like as a father pitieth his children, so doth He pity you. The meanest interests of all His saints are all borne upon the broad bosom of the Son of God. Oh, what a heart is His, that doth not merely comprehend the persons of His people, but comprehends also the diverse and innumerable concerns of all those persons! Dost thou think, O Christian, that thou canst measure the love of Christ? Think of what His love has brought thee-justification, adoption, sanctification, eternal life! The riches of His goodness are unsearchable; thou shalt never be able to tell them out or even conceive them. Oh, the breadth of the love of Christ! Shall such a love as this have half our hearts? Shall it have a cold love in return? Shall Jesus' marvellous lovingkindness and tender care meet with but faint response and tardy acknowledgment? O my soul, tune thy harp to a glad song of thanksgiving! Go to thy rest rejoicing, for thou art no desolate wanderer, but a beloved child, watched over, cared for, supplied, and defended by thy Lord.

Day 6: Not Everything is as it Seems

One would define his own life by the choices he has made, or more precisely, how the choices affected him and the people around him. As everyone else, I have made many wrong choices in life, but, I define it as a wrong choice. Not everybody does. Hence, not everything is as it seems.

Even before making any decision, one would make assumptions, hypothesize certain things, laying out different courses of action that are considered beneficial to oneself. Yet, he cannot define the true outcome or circumstance of any action. He can only anticipate it. He cannot guarantee it. That is the future. Future is uncertainty. Future is fear inducing. The future must be controlled to the highest degree possible by that man, or he will consider himself insecure. I have learnt very recently that the future is not what it seems. Even the present.

I am in a dilemma, in which I have to decide between two things, whereby both decisions have one common, primary goal, that is to benefit a certain someone the most. Yet, I know not the most correct, beneficial, worthwhile decision to make. And when I am in this dilemma, I am biased to a decision because I know that I will benefit as well, from that particular decision. A secondary goal, that is.

After gathering sufficient intelligence, data, information, one would conclude the safest decision, from a viewpoint called viewpoint A. However, not everything is as it seems. From viewpoint B, that intelligence, data, and information may or may not be wrongly interpreted.

When applied in my case, my intuition may well be a misconception, or it may not. Anyway, after logically explaining everything to myself, I comfort myself by deciding on a particular course of action, action A. Suddenly, new intel comes by, I reverse my course of action. And I redefine everything, and make a new decision, course of action B. Yet again, more data comes by, and turns everything I've worked for upside down, and makes me turn it all back up, rearrange everything, and decide on a new course of action, action C. And the cycle continues for many, many, many, excruciating hours, and how many more hours must I endure? Three months.

Why must I think so much? I do not know. Is this very important to me. An absolute yes.

God, help me. I need it.

Day 4: I declare War

^{1 Samuel 17:18}
Fight the Lord's battles.

^{Ephesians 6:10-18
10}Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. ¹²For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ¹⁸And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Every morning I wake up and pray that I pick up my cross, and yet, I fight my own battles, I fight battles alone. I forget to fight the Lord's battles. Battles that are bigger than mine, battles that He will surely win. Exams? Careers? Relationships? I seem to miss out on God's battle plan. While the rest of the saints are out there risking their lives for God in combat, I'm lazing around in the campsite..

Sigh, how much time have I wasted my life worrying about my businesses. Jesus always goes about His Father's business. So I must go about Abba's business too. Today God reminded me of His battles, against the evil one. So today I have decided to remember the Lord's battles everyday. I choose to forget my trivial, petty arguments.

So to go to battle, I need your armor, o Lord. Help me to put on the equipment, and ready myself to the battle stations. Show me to my position. Am I a frontline warrior? Am I a paramedic? Am I the support beams? Strengthen my feeble knees, afraid and weak I am. Help me Lord, to fight your battles and at the same time deal with my fleshly needs and lusts. I know that my battle gear comes with the shield of faith! You are ever in the midst of the fight, and therefore the battle is not doubtful. As the conflict rages, it is sweet satisfaction to know that You, our great Intercessor, Commander of our army, are prevalently pleading for your people. This lifetime, help me to fight your battles, your way, and by Your grace I will succeed.

Let us as saints, fight as if it all depended upon us, but let us look up and know that all depends upon Him. Onward! For the fight is not ours, but the Lord's.

Day 2: the power of the promise

How timely. A close friend of mine is now experiencing a somewhat similar situation.. Two days have passed, none of which have been easy. Each day has been filled with sorrow and unrest, but yet an inner peace which comes with spending daily time with you.. hearing from you and learning from you and about you.. it's true; that when I feel alone and have lost all hope, I begin to know instinctively that I am not truly alone and I have a hope which is founded upon your character called faithfulness.

And there is one greater still; a hope that comes from your spoken word, a promise... I have Your divine promise, so I can urge it with all certainty for You are true to your word. When you give a promissory note, your honour is engaged; you sign your hand, and you must discharge it when the due time comes, or else you lose credit. It has never been said of You throughout the Bible that you dishonour your bills. Your credit has never been impeached, and never shall be. You are punctual to the moment. You are never before Your time, but You are never behind it.

Genesis 32:12
And thou saidst, I will surely do thee good.

Day 1: Wait

the first of many significant days. The first day of three months of waiting and seeking the Lord.
And day 1 is hardest day by far. Why does reading your word become so difficult. I can't seem to get anything in.. Music doesn't seem to work, though it usually does. All I have left is pure faith, and I realise I do not have enough. I remember I made a promise with You to go through your refining fire. And once this holy fire separates the pathetic, weak, impure faith, I believe it will yield so, so little. And yet, at least it's pure, LORD. This faith will be tested within this three months, just trusting in the one thing that you said on day zero: "Wait".

I used to think that word wasn't too difficult. Until today. The challenge is not as easy or simple, you know what I mean, Father, though I cannot share it out here. I get confused easily. My mind is torn. One corner of my mind says "maybe your heart is deceiving you. Maybe you should just let go of what's happening and move on. How do you know that this is not God". The other says: "Wait".. I DON'T KNOW!!! I DON'T KNOW!!! I DON'T KNOW!!! Help God. In this case, I'll just decide to wait. Since it is harder. Three months, LORD? I wish you could remove this cup of sorrow from me, but it seems I am going to drink it for quite some time.. Sigh.

Dear Father, I know not what to do. What is best? Am I deceiving myself? Let go or hold on to this current situation? I assume now, that if You do not respond, or if I do not hear, then I'll just wait. I pray only that I have made the right decision. Bless you, My Lord. Dear Jesus, you are my shepherd, and I shall not want. You are my daily bread, you are my everything, because I have nothing left. Help.

Loneliness

would only serve to strengthen the fact that I am never truly alone.

Nevertheless

Not my will but Yours be done.

April

The month of April, which is derived from the Latin word aperio signifies to open, because the buds and blossoms are now opening, and we have arrived at the gates of the flowery year.. springtime..
It is also the same week when our beloved Saviour was crucified. The most beautiful of all flowers, the perfect Rose of Sharon outshines and outgives; from the crimson leaves of sorrow, his blood and love flow mingled down, so that us the wildflowers surrounding Him may enjoy this supernatural grace..

May us, as flowers too, allow our hearts to bud and blossom in accordance with all of nature, so that together we may give acclaim to He who is the perfect rose! It is always time to seek the Lord, let us not wait another spring season, for then the days of our youth will soon turn grey. Let us not delay, hasten, hurry, be anxious to seek Him. Bless You Lord.

"It is time to seek Him." - Hosea 10:12

W3!rd

Being weird has it's benefits, no doubt. Imagine if the world was filled with normal people in a normal environment. Normal being defined as non-weird. Imagine a normal probability distribution(for the maths people), if there were no outliers, ugh! You'll NEVER, mark my words, NEVER change the world if you stay normal. Ever.

Albert Einstein was a weirdo. Guess what, he changed the world!
Isaac Newton too. Guess what, he changed the world!
And I believe that Jesus too is.. The hated ones were His friends, and the desert was his bed. He was despised, never truly loved; all the affection in the world for Him was because they wanted something, and then.. they crucified Him.

So I must be weird; there is no other way. No turning back. I must be hated by the world as it is, despised, never loved; and then crucified for Him on the cross He has provided for me.

I have decided, to follow Jesus
No one go with me, still I will follow
The cross before me, the world behind me
No turning back, no turning back.

Traitor. Deceiver. Betrayer.

Luke 22:48
Betrayest thou the Son of Man with a kiss?

The kisses of an enemy are deceitful." Let me be on my guard when the world puts on a loving face, for it will, if possible, betray me as it did my Master, with a kiss. Whenever a man is about to stab religion, he usually professes very great reverence for it. Let me beware of the sleek-faced hypocrisy which is armour-bearer to heresy and infidelity. Knowing the deceivableness of unrighteousness, let me be wise as a serpent to detect and avoid the designs of the enemy. The young man, void of understanding, was led astray by the kiss of the strange woman: may my soul be so graciously instructed all this day, that "the much fair speech" of the world may have no effect upon me. Holy Spirit, let me not, a poor frail son of man, be betrayed with a kiss! But what if I should be guilty of the same accursed sin as Judas, that son of perdition? I have been baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus; I am a member of His visible Church; I sit at the communion table: all these are so many kisses of my lips. AM I sincere in them? If not, I am a base traitor. Do I live in the world as carelessly as others do, and yet make a profession of being a follower of Jesus? Then I must expose religion to ridicule, and lead men to speak evil of the holy name by which I am called. Surely if I act thus inconsistently I am a Judas, and it were better for me that I had never been born. Dare I hope that I am clear in this matter? Then, O Lord, keep me so. O Lord, make me sincere and true. Preserve me from every false way. Never let me betray my Saviour. I do love Thee, Jesus, and though I often grieve Thee, yet I would desire to abide faithful even unto death. O God, forbid that I should be a high-soaring professor, and then fall at last into the lake of fire, because I betrayed my Master with a kiss. - Charles H. Spurgeon


Note to self: Liar, liar make sure your pants won't catch a fire, you will soon find out that it will so be if you are careless with your heart. Get me the armour of God! Ready to the battle positions!

Abide in Me

All for Love the Father gave,
for only Love could make a way
All for Love, the Heavens cried
for Love was crucified

How many times have I broken your heart
still you forgive, if only I ask
How many times have you heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is you
my beginning my forever
Everything I need is you

Let me sing all for Love
I will join the angels' song
ever holy is the Lord
King of glory King of all

How many times have I broken your heart
still you forgive, if only I ask
How many times have you heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is you
my beginning my forever
Everything I need is you

All for Love the Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
though they know not what they do
let the cross draw men to You

John 15:4
Abide in Me.

Communion with Christ is a certain cure for every ill. Whether it be the wormwood of woe, or the cloying surfeit of earthly delight, close fellowship with the Lord Jesus will take bitterness from the one, and satiety from the other. Live near to Jesus, Christian, and it is matter of secondary importance whether thou livest on the mountain of honour or in the valley of humiliation. Living near to Jesus, thou art covered with the wings of God, and underneath thee are the everlasting arms. Let nothing keep thee from that hallowed intercourse, which is the choice privilege of a soul wedded to THE WELL-BELOVED. Be not content with an interview now and then, but seek always to retain His company, for only in His presence hast thou either comfort or safety. Jesus should not be unto us a friend who calls upon us now and then, but one with whom we walk evermore. Thou hast a difficult road before thee: see, O traveller to heaven, that thou go not without thy guide. Thou hast to pass through the fiery furnace; enter it not unless, like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, thou hast the Son of God to be thy companion. Thou hast to storm the Jericho of thine own corruptions: attempt not the warfare until, like Joshua, thou hast seen the Captain of the Lord's host, with His sword drawn in His hand. Thou art to meet the Esau of thy many temptations: meet him not until at Jabbok's brook thou hast laid hold upon the angel, and prevailed. In every case, in every condition, thou wilt need Jesus; but most of all, when the iron gates of death shall open to thee. Keep thou close to thy soul's Husband, lean thy head upon His bosom, ask to be refreshed with the spiced wine of His pomegranate, and thou shalt be found of Him at the last, without spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing. Seeing thou hast lived with Him, and lived in Him here, thou shalt abide with Him for ever. -Charles Spurgeon

Spirit descend.

Matthew 3:16
He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove.

descended upon the LORD like a dove. And He so also descends upon us, children of the Father, producing the character like that of the blessed redeemer, Jesus. A dove resembles a peaceful picture, patience in affliction, harmlessness; it cannot inflict damage, only receiving it. Likewise I pray LORD, may my character be like that, and yet, in bearing with pain and sorrows which you are infinitely familiar with, I can be a stalwart, adamant, restitute, and founded soldier of Christ by the grace which you have so freely dispensed and the Truth and Your proceeding word and all your fullness. Amen.

An empty Vessel.

an empty vessel. The fuller it becomes, the deeper it sinks. The greater the success put in my hands by Him, the more I should be on my knees. The substance ought to be filled in my empty vessel is not light-weighted conceitedness, but dense humility.

Verily, no true success I obtain is by me, but Christ alone, no truly valuable success in my hands has not been on my knees.. What I do, I do not on my own, but what I do, I do in Christ, for it is His Spirit in me. This is one of the unsearchable riches of Christ revealed to me today. Bless the LORD.

Mercy and Wrath

The mercy and wrath of God demands naught but great attention. Undivided is his love, and yet, undivided is his justice!

O sinner, as yet the water-floods are dammed up by mercy, but the flood-gates shall soon be opened: the thunderbolts of God are yet in His storehouse, but lo! the tempest hastens, and how awful shall that moment be when God, robed in vengeance, shall march forth in fury!

Phew. Scary thought.

Rubber love

Isaiah 44:22
I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, and, as a cloud, thy sins: return unto Me; for I have redeemed thee.

You have blotted out, erased my sins from your memory, remembering not the trangressions of my past, present and even the future. Why sould I remain here, and not return unto thee? You have redeemed me with the noblest act of sacrifice. I shall return immediately and enter into thy courts with the boldest assurance.

Talentine's Day

Talentine's day. Well, just a title to get readers attracted. Wonder if it works. It's valentine's season anyway. The season where single people grow richer, relatively. Ahh, singlehood. I don't really like being single. Never did. But I wonder if I'll ever learn to appreciate it.

Talent. I was raised up in a very 'normal' environment. Weird is disallowable. Conventional is synonymous with acceptable. I was born left-handed; but I never knew I was cane-forced to be a right-handed person. Until now.

Ah. A part of me wonders what my future would be if I were to continue using my left hand. Probably wouldn't be taking engineering.

What am I good at. What do I like? I don't know. Probably singing and music. And robots and sound engineering! Why, opposing factions. A chemistry perhaps.. Oh. just realised, one of my talents, would be not writing. It's tough to muster enough energy to post. Talent makes you feel good about yourself, and make you feel jealous of others. I think. OK. Sleep!

Ahh..

Life is like a box of chocolates, although you'll never know what you're gonna get, it'll still taste bittersweet

I want you

more than you know.. but does that mean I like you? Does that however, make me selfish?

misunderstandable songs

andai aku terbuang tak diterima
andai aku disingkirkan
ke mana harus kubawakan
ke mana harus kusemaikan
cinta ini..

aku bukanlah seorang perwira
gagah menghunus senjata
namun hati rela berjuang
walau dengan cara sendiri
demi cinta ini...

ku ingin kotakan seribu janji
sepanjang kedewasaan ini
ku ingin sampaikan pesanan
akulah peny___ _______

Time Eternity

I am His, and He is mine,
bought with the precious blood of Christ!


Time-how short. Eternity-how long!
For what is pain, and how does suffering compare, when eternal crowns are bestowed to the conquerors.. overcomers.
Let the darkness of the past and the gloom of the present fade surely away, as heavenward thoughts descend!

Blessed Assurance

is perfect delight! He is mine and I am His

The right way to start

2010 would be revelation.

I don't usually make resolutions. And this year too, I didn't. But this day, You gave me something to live by, and for that I am forever grateful. Our bible sermon in church this morning was, worship. Today's topic of worship was worshipping in Spirit. and in Truth.

Worshipping in spirit was easy most of the time, but worshipping in truth?
Living upon God is easy, but am I anxious enough to live for Him?
Communing with GOD is as usual, but acting out my communion with Him?
Loving GOD is great, but do I fear Him enough to obey Him?

And then I realised my issue with GOD for 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, and all. I just did not fear Him. So my one and only wishlist this year would be:

To learn holy fear. That is it LORD, and I know You will help me with it =) And this amazing revelation came to me during service. You clearly reminded me of this verse today:

and David said to Nathan the prophet, "Here I am, living in a palace of cedar, while the ark of God remains in a tent." - 2 Samuel 7:2

This year, I will build up His holy temple of praise, with clean hands and a pure heart. I have lived in my palace long enough. This eternity, I will put God in the cedar palace while I live in a tent.

Bless Your Name, the great I am!